Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!
Give in
Get up.
Covers off
Silence the drill sergeant
2 seconds in
And I'm late
LATE
LATE!
French shower, PSSST! PSSST!
Dress like a clown
Keys,
Cash
Phone,
Out of the door
The street as empty as my mind
The sky, puddles of grey
No one.
No movement
A really dead raven on the door step
It had been drinking
from a bottle of fabric conditioner.
I let go of my balloons.
Spin my bowtie
A kaleidoscope paints the air.
Approaching from the distance
buzz! buZZ! bUZZ!,BUZZ!

i hate how much i love you.

i dont like seeing you with her
holding hands,
laughing,
kissing.

i dont like when you call her perfect
because you said the same to me

i dont like seeing you and her
having the cutest conversations ever

i just,
i dont like it

I haven't slept in my own bed in four months.
My car hasn't been emptied in four months.
I sleep on unsuspecting couches of friends and say "Oh, I haven't seen you in a while. Do you mind if I stay tomorrow as well?"
40 different couches.
Some friends knew. Some friends didn't. Some friends didn't care.
My favorite visits were the ones where I felt like my friend's family temporarily adopted me.
They'd tell me that I could stay for as long as I needed.
They told me that there was an empty room and closet upstairs.
I told then that I didn't own any hangers.
That's when I left.
I lived with my grandparents for a while and was never home.
They kicked me out.
"It's not like you were ever here anyway," they said.
I was kicked out of my mom's and my grandmother's.
That's why I don't own hangers.

Waking into
A world of change
Still can't seem to scratch
This ache
Alone again
I'm home again
Finally free
to be me
Leads me to question
About this silly obsession
Why try to be loved
When every time
I feel the need to disguise
my mind?