she is like a feather drifting in the breeze,
nobody knows her past nor who lost her,
but nevertheless they want to catch her
and have her as their own,
even for just a little while-
a possession to be desired
but never to be gained;
she always stays just far enough away
when she takes her leave,
blowing away on a new gust of wind
everyone stares after her.

A pill for the pain,
Two for the lies.
Three for the smiles,
I have to hide behind.
Four for the times,
When you weren't there.
Five for the reason,
I no longer care.
Ten for the scars,
Twenty for the abuse.
Thirty more for my pitiful excuse.
Forty for my friends,
Fifty for my family.
A promise to them,
That I was never really happy.
Sixty for the thoughts,
Of ending my life.
Seventy just out of spite.
Eighty for being lost,
Ninety for you not seeing.
Ninety-eight for you,
And darling?
One hundred for me.

Seriously? You're so immature.
Really? We're going to be stupid?
Seriously? We're in the tenth grade.
Really? I think it's time to grow up.
Seriously? This isn't funny.
Really? Now your calling me a lesbian?
Seriously? Cause I hugged my best friend?
Really? Now your calling me names?
Oh what joy.
stupid boys

One spoon of cough syrup*

              Pour
   Lines pulled against
         the currents,
like the strings of my day
      and you have set
       underneath my
            horizon;
    flares of your colors
         settling into
           my earth.
                                                     Taste
                                          Read my eyes and
                                             longing looks.
                                      Find the nerve behind
                                           the trail of scarlet
                                          and embrace your
                                           lingering shadow
                                         the one I've learned
                                                  to love.                                            

          Swallow                                          ­                                                  
   Cling to my desire                                                           ­                              
 and entangle yourself
         once more
don't struggle instead
     press your bones
        into my grave
   and bury me in your
         flesh of broken
                dreams.
                                  ­                                                                 ­                                                             Repeat
                                         ­       Defrost your denied
                                                         approval in
                                                         my warmth
                                                     and wrap me in
                                                           attention.
                                                      ­ Turn me into
                                                  your poison apple
                                                and sink your heart
                                                  deep into my core.