I get how you're feeling I can help you
No, you don't get it
just because you're sad sometimes, doesn't mean you can understand depression
just because you cry sometimes, doesn't mean you can feel the amount our pain
just because you have mood swings, doesn't mean you have illness
depression feels like you're drowning, but you can see everyone around you swimming
depression is like a monster in you head, which is always weighing you down
even when you think you're happy, something clicks you and you realize you're sad again
when everyone around you laughing, you feel SO alone
depression makes you drift from people
I'm not the same anymore
depression stops you from wanting to do things that you used to love
like you're not good enough
hating every inch of yourself
you wake up every morning know how hard and long day is going to be
thinking about how to end things
planning escape routes  
the worst part?
knowing how hard it is to get better
I won't ever get better
because I'm me
A FAILURE
and that terrifies me
so NO, don't tell me you understand how depression feels and that you can help me
because NO ONE does
NOT ONE PERSON AT ALL

I smile and sit
Act polite and real
You went ape ****
Lost all your appeal
Your loss

Tell me how people think
The crisp sound of leaves
Scattered around the trees
Crunching beneath feet
Sounds beautiful
And how the smell of death
Coming from the decay
Smells wonderful.

Autumn is the season of the dying.

I practically always feel so unattractive
Don't even feel worthy of being approached by people
What a tragedy
I'm always feeling unequal
In comparison to my peers
I feel like I'll never be enough
And that's one of my biggest fears
My adolescence was no help
It ruined me
Made me think I'd have nothing else
I gave up on myself
And let my emotions control me
I drowned in my own consciousness
Now my mind will never be free
I keep hoping for the day
When I'm courageous enough
To follow through with what I say
But again and again
I'm submersed in my weakness
I'm brought back to the start
Thinking *I really need this

Being told you are beautiful
Is one thing
But being told you are beautiful
And believing it
Is another

I have been called beautiful
More times than there are freckles on my face
(And that is a lot)
But not until recent
Did I ever believe it

Usually I would brush it off
And see it as an empty compliment
Or a conversation filler
Or a device used for personal gain
Any time someone would tell me I was beautiful
I wouldn't believe it
Not even a little bit
And that's the way it was for a very long time

I was too used to people leaving
Especially after I let them get close to me
And touch me
I was too used to being let down
I couldn't trust anyone but myself
And I didn't think I was beautiful
With or without anyone's truthful or deceiving opinion
I truly thought I was the farthest from beautiful

Usually when people would give me such a compliment
I would say
"No, I'm not
And you don't mean that"
Most didn't bother to argue
So I never once believed it
Until I heard you say it

At first I tried to do what I always did
But you wouldn't take no for an answer

I'm not sure if it's the way you say it
Or how many times a day you say it
Or just the fact that I trust you enough
But I really do believe you
When you tell me I'm beautiful
Hearing the words, "You are so beautiful, Evynne"
And feeling the honesty and passion pierce my heart
Is something I have never experienced before

I may not think I am as beautiful as you like to tell me I am
But at least I believe it
And when I say I believe it
I do not mean I agree
But rather, you tell me I am beautiful
And I think to myself, "You really do make me feel beautiful"
Regardless of any prior opinions I held of myself

Now that is a very powerful thing