Tonight's just one of those nights.
You know the ones.
The endless thoughts.
The never ending tears.
Yeah, tonight's just one of those nights.

is it normal
to feel claustrophobic
inside my own skin?
                            skin that grew with me
as years passed
   burnt in summer sun
chilled in winter
               i think
                              the scar tissue
is making me
            claustrophobic
because i cant
breathe
               i'm stuck
here
inside this body
      and i want
to escape

and thats the thing,
i still love him.
i really do.
i love the way his cologne smells.
the way he fidgets when he gets nervous.
the way his eyes are so, so beautiful.

but, i do not feel the need to
go past your door anymore to catch your
attention.
all i need to do is sit at my lunch table or
hangout with another teacher for you to
magically come in, flustered and handsome,
for you to make a conversation with me.
and thats it, huh?
all i ever needed to do was to
tell you i was happy for you
for you to realize that you need
me in your life as well, just as
much as i need you
in mine.

i can see it in your glances
at church and in the
way you smile at me
when you pass me by or
in the way your voice gets
lower when you
speak to me.

do not hide your love for me,
its highly illogical and all it
does is wear the both of
us out.

sweet dreams darling.

and i think that's a good thing
because i don't want anyone
to know what this pain is
so i know you don't
understand and i
am glad of that
accept it

Monday morning,
The beginning of a new week,
A new life
I took the gigantic step
Of coming out,
I didn't feel the need to hide,
To pretend for the sake of society,
I am me,
That's all there is to it.

My family knows,
My friends know,
And I couldn't ask for better people in my life.
I feel like I don't deserve that.
I'm free,
Free to love who I want to love
And the best part is,
Everybody is OK with that.

But I wanted to be treated as I used to,
I still want to be 'just Lewis'
I don't want someone to be friends with me
For the sake of being a 'gay best friend'
I hate that label,
I'm a human, not a novelty
I want to be a best friend for what I do,
Not my sexuality.

The future will be difficult,
But I know I am happier now and will continue to be when tomorrow comes.

I sit around wanting you all day
Even when I'm sitting next to you
I feel like it's not enough
I want my hands on you
I want to be kissing you
All the time
But I ruin us
Why do I always feel so uneasy?
Why do I let my mind get the best of me?
I overthink every second of every day
And it destroys me
Along with everything around me
I dig my relationships
Into the ground
With all of my thoughts
They don't hold any truth
Yet I still find myself believing them
Why can't I just accept reality as it is
Accept that someone loves me
Accept that someone wants me
Accept myself as I am
But I cannot
I am full of self loathing
And I fear it'll never go away
I've come to terms with the fact
That alone I'll always stay