i don't get so sad anymore, you know.
and sometimes i wish i could go back and do things better,
do things right,
but something in me knows it was supposed to end when it did.

you've changed, anyway.

i don't want to say that you're not the person i once knew,
because i'm sure that deep down, somewhere in there, you are,
but i'm a tired person,
and i lack the energy required
to dig down so deep through skin and bone
trying to find the worn out shards of a memory;
the last pieces of the first person to make me feel so terribly alive.

//

i hope you're happy.
i have always hoped that you would be happy.

but i don't get so sad anymore,
and i don't want to linger on the past.

(still i write poems about you, simply for the sake of writing).

//

every now and again,
i'll think about you,
you and everything and everyone else who shaped me.

and it's hard to believe it's been two years.

and it's hard to believe that i have grown,
but i have,
and the truth is that i don't need you anymore.

//

i don't get so sad anymore, you know.
things have gotten better.
you're gone and you don't care and i sometimes wonder if you ever did, but i'm telling you anyway that things have gotten better because i want to prove to myself that it was right to let you go,
that i needed to let you go to finally be free.

you made me feel alive in a way that tugged at my heart with a surprising aggression,
but i deserve better than that.

(a.m.)

There are parts of me that
lay unrested - they are ghosts
in hallways, they are smoke
suffocating in locked rooms.

Sometimes I can feel
myself fading and it takes
all I have to pull myself
back from the abyss.

I'm walking on ice, yet
to find a stable foothold in
life seems unprecedented.

I still haven't learnt when
my hands began writing
rather than shaking.

They say the eyes are the
     window to the soul,
        I say looking through
can make you lose control.
     Climb through to depths
            you can't imagine
        and you'll discover
   the sunshine within,
        and a love so **genuine.

She saw words
           in stars
  And life had meaning
        When she
   followed her heart
Opened up for disaster
         to strike
But the matches of protection
     Were nothing alike

            She saw poetry
      in his eyes
And nothing ever looked
           as sweet as his
     laugh lines
 But the flow of the pen
          stopped short of madness
When she was born again
    
        She saw lyrics
   in every emotion
           And all the tears and smiles
      proved her devotion
But life had a way
          of sneaking up on her
    When she closed her eyes
            Before looking
        in every mirror

    She saw love and pain
all at the same time
        and she was hurt and happy
  By every one of his rhymes
          But nothing ever looked
     as beautiful as his
               piercing eyes
 But the flow of the pen
          stopped short of laughter
When she was *born again

1.I miss the way you laughed at my singing because you felt I always "tried too hard."

2. I miss you giving me the cold shoulder. It meant you cared. But now it means something else.

3. I miss how awake and alert you are in the morning. I miss pushing you and your too much energy self off because I wasn't awake enough yet.

4. I miss your sarcastic jokes that were always followed by a hug and a "I love you" with a chuckle.

5. I miss how silly our conversations were. We talked about everything and anything. You would say "How the hell did the universe come up with you?"

6. I miss the more deep conversations. You looked at the ground while my fingertips drew circles on your back. Your eyes would close and you slowed your breathing. I miss the stillness and that silence. Theres nothing I wouldn't give to trade this silence for that silence.

7. I miss the play fighting. I remember one time someone said "At first, I thought you guys were being serious but then I saw the way he looked at you." If only you could look at me like that again. Like nothing else mattered.

8. I miss your arms and the way it made me feel like I spent all of my life being in the wrong places. The only place, the one place, I belonged was in your arms.

9. I miss your awful jokes. I miss laughing not because I thought it was funny but because you said it and nothing made my heart feel more joy than you.

10. I miss you. I miss the amount of pride I felt standing next to you. I miss the fighting and the screaming and the slamming doors and the making up and the heartache and the pain. It was everything and nothing. It was painful but wonderful. It was all that I imagined love to be. I can't seem to say goodbye but I know you want me to.

I will never understand you.
And that's our great tragedy.

you are so far away
in my heart, you're held closest
i speak to you every day
in my moments of hopeless

i feel you in my bones
in spirit, there's a closeness
someday i am coming home
you are my final focus

I AM SO MAD
OVER EVERYTHING
OVER PEOPLE
- TAKING UP MY STUDY SPOT
- TAKING UP MY STUDY SPOT
- TAKING UP MY STUDY SPOT
YOUR FACE ANNOYS ME