Everytime I see you
I feel my smile FADE

I know when I see you
It's another ******* day

I don't understand it
Why you always complicate
The simplest of tasks always becomes a rubix cube of play

I'm starting to feel pre-annoyance everyday
Before I even clock into work I know your gonna **** me off

Everytime I see you
I feel my smile fade

I'm getting so sick of coming in here everyday

Don't ask for my number..
And never call me,
Don't say that you like me,
To never court me,
Don't ask who I am,
Without ever trying to know me,
Don't expect me to open my body,
Just for a smile,
Don't ask for my number,
Just to DM me on social media,
I'm a WOMAN,
Not a child,
Call me like a grown man should,
I'm not temporary like a profile,
Or a password,
I am GROWN,
Not some starstruck prepubescent little girl,
Don't ask for my number,
So you can disappear like my Snapchat threads,
I can turn you from #1..
Straight to 0 when my needs aren't met

I have lived many lives , in the edges of my fingers
Put words to emotions
And tenderness to a hardened soul
I can't say ive found my devotion
But I've surely drank it through my teeth
Bless the heart
That gave words to me
I'm hardly at ease
When my lips touch the pages of your skin
Nothing had ever brought, such pleasure to me
But I've written love stories in your eyes
And heated at the beauty of your smile
Sadly I'm not one to speak of all that's hidden inside
So I dance , with a pen , with my words , and with my pride
You make it awful easy
To lust at my silence
Shiver the spine of my books
And realize I have not known the life
Before my eyes
I am breathless
And starving, to write you down in my mind
Drift at the ocean
In those waters , me you shall find
But I don't take kindly to an intrusion
To my blissful ignorance
I've made a home in my feverish oblivion
So take it tenderly when I tell you words
Are all there is too me
A journey of thoughts and ways to devour into my unwillingness
I'm much too simple
For simple devotion
I take no mercy in temporary nirvana
My heart has mad it much easy , to dwell on a love so unfamiliar
So don't callous your gentleness in the coral of my cheeks
Place kiss to lips and hear the whispers I bring
For an awful loud soul , the brain seems to blurr any doubt
Toned down , hardly a question for the soil
Insatiable, yet dying to feel live at the hand of it's beholder
I've suffered at the caress of it's sin
Blue
I've grown blue before your eyes
Skied by a sullen reality of who you are
It was much easier to love you with my eyes drowned in water
And a drowsy smile blending in with my teeth
Silently the questions start to wander
And my heart clenches at my feet
Words
Words don't come easy to me
Given that You were the last to hear me speak

This poem
I want it to show me the way
These days, how can I nurture my love more?

What kind of a poem would truly help me?
How can I be helpful to others, too?
I choose my words pretty carefully.

Should I write about life?
Should I be avoiding strife, and holding on and feeling off?
But it all belongs here, I can't make it disappear...

Feeling stuck and trying to move,
Listening to one's heart's groove,
Hoping for an answer in the distance...

A white boat sailing towards the sun,
Those last seconds before it disappears
In the ocean, or the sea...

Darkness comes and the red goes away,
We experience change anyway.
Nurturing my soul by giving hope to others,

Writing from the heart, late at night in bed.
Instead of healthily falling asleep,
My mind was searching for a place to take the leap,

To express concerns and worries to me,
To make me want to let go genuinely,
But I ever slow begin to understand,

What it means when I don't need to pretend.
I don't know how I would handle that...

life is beautiful --
but you can't find
the beauty 
in the world,
in your life,
if you're not looking,
or admiring
the space
around you
and within others.

i wasn't searching
for anything --
until i started searching for
love,
only then
i begun to find
little heart shapes
in everything.

bread, 
street cracks,
pages in schoolbooks,
doorways,
steak,
fabric folds, 
car reflections,
freckles --
even those.

i thought
i was losing it --
seeing things.
until i realised,
i was searching for love,
and love
was finding me
the most unique places.
and it was beautiful.

so start looking
around you --
at the little things,
in the quiet.
maybe then
you'll find something
that helps you
heal
and find the beauty
in living 
and something
that reminds you
why living
matters.

Walked in this room 
it was just us two,
but somehow,

still just me,

my love.
Questions like

Am I worth it?

Is this pressured love?

Just cause mine is raw?

Did I run you off?

Maybe I scared you, love?
Does emotion

hit a nerve?

Does deception

make you feel?
Transparency..

would it make you
 keep
me around?
Reassurance?

Just ask me, 
it’s right here.
Do you like closure?

Same here.
Survival..

are we too far in, love?
How do I keep you near me,

my love?
The feeling gets lonely,

love.
Fog clouds our
fragile bubble,

and silence soothes
our stillness.

A weight that sinks
deep in our chests.
Breathing hurts
 without
your air,
my love.
When you leave,
the silence grows louder 

filling my room

with echoes of you.
I’m reminiscing

roses and daisies,

sweet cupcakes,

vibrant rainbows
woven into trillions and millions,

beneath the city lights

shining on us.
Who cared?

All eyes were on us 

just me and you,

my love.
A universe
 of what
might have been,

love.
How can it be

what it used to be,
my love?
It felt like a fantasy.
Can you hear me,
love?
Long nights

sleepless nights 

had me up
 til the crack of dawn,

my love.
Long walks 

wherever the wind takes us,
right?
Knowing I’d go anywhere

with you,

love.
Talks about what could’ve been...

a future for you and I,

once again,

love.
Souls connected instantly,
my love.
Do you remember...

our first kiss,
love?
Or the time
 you first
brought me flowers,

my love?
Maybe you could
 remember
how intimate
we first got,
Felt like a dream
my love.
The time I got you sick

yet still wanted to come around me,
love.
Apologies for that,
again 
but remember your commitment,
my love?
Now I make you mad
 every trip,

love.
Will it ever
 be the same?
Why can’t we let love win?

Instead,
we let war take over
love.
Can we get over...
or
is it over,

my love?