Under my scalp
flows a river
from the outside you would think
that it's calm and lovely
the one you saw as a child
running, soothing
But my river is wild
and in spite of its wildness
so beautfiul
- because I see your face.
I see it in the waters surface
and the ghosts of our memories
flow with the stream
an endless turmoil

Normally the river wouldn't affect anything but the head
but now that you're gone
it flows out into my heart
-  into my hands,
that can no longer hold you
into my feet,
that no longer point in your direction
into my lips,
that haven't been quite satisfied since they last met yours.

My body runs over
I can't control the river
because you've filled it
it all runs over
and I cry

I cry when I don't have you.

i'm in a room
not too hot
nor too cold
just quite perfect for
me

i stay in the room
and the days go by
now the mirrors come
one mirror
two mirrors
three mirrors

the room is filled with mirrors
i try to look away
but my naked self is starring
i don't fit in here
i run
and now it starts all over

i went for a walk in the
woods
and as i was walking
i looked around and saw
all the beautiful
trees

the most beautiful ones
were the ones that had
marks,
scars
and bumps
how very special they are
will forever amaze
me

i felt so empty inside
that i would rather feel like dying
than feel like nothing
so when my old friend came back
i greeted him with open arms
and it was comfortable
for a little while
but then it became unbearable
and i wanted him to leave
but i couldn't make him
and when he finally did leave

i felt so empty inside
that i would rather feel like dying
than feel like nothing
so when my old friend came back
i greeted him with open arms
and it was comfortable
for a little while
but then it became unbearable
and i wanted him to leave
but i couldn't make him
and when he finally did leave

i unfolded my mind for
you
bit by bit
day by day
tore down walls
that had been built up
by pain and loss
you ignited a small flame
in my ever so grey heart
and then you left
leaving my heart at tease

to me
new beginnings are just
old habits

it would be so
easy
if we were numbers and
figures
but how boring would it be
if we could calculate
each other

every time I see a, or any
part of
you
my heart hurts,
aches

out of sight
out of mind
but i can’t erase you
traces of you
linger
everywhere
my whole existence somehow
intertwined with yours

maybe it’s just that
you have a piece of my
heart
- it’s unbearable

I long for either
someone else,
to take the rest
or for you to take,
what has always
belonged
to you

afters years of being trapped
in that small one bedroom apartment
- with closed windows,
and closed curtains
she finally opened up
and the air that had gone toxic
came pouring out

i will always be the one
that is a little out of li
ne

my oversized shirt
is my own little tent
it’s big enough for the both of us
but i won’t let you in
i’m not playing hide and seek
i’m just playing hide
so leave me be
in this tent of mine

why do you put a clock in the room
if you really only live by
your own perception
of time

i expect too much of
myself
and of
others

pretty petty you
you don't have to be
a certain way
and you don't have to live
a certain way

so why
why do you expect it from
others?

i fear
and long for
recognition
at the same
time

right now
i'm not thinking of anything
particularly
i'm just letting my brain lead me
down a path
a path that i am writing down
for me and you
my eyes are getting teary
and i am wondering why
maybe it's just a sad world
and i'm a sad person
trying to keep myself busy
so that i won't think of nothing
because when i think of nothing
the darkness comes along

they tell me
i won’t get anywhere
if i don’t follow the rules
but honey
**** it
i want to be everywhere

it's as we're not even in the same
world
even though we're sitting in the same
room
and breathing the same
air

they say
that you'll drown
in the blue eyes
they say
that you'll get lost
in the green eyes
and they say
that you'll be suffocated
in the brown eyes

but my dear
you might also
swim
in the cleanest sea
you might also
breath
the purest air
and you might also
find
a hidden treasure

silence that is loud
drowns out everything else
that is present

the hole in the wall
has my eyes spellbound
i see nothing
and everything

in my veins
there is sunshine
and i don't know
it it's because i'm supposed to be the
light
or if it's because i had none

tell me
how is it
that i feel like both a
paddling pool
and a raging ocean

you
of all people know
that true anger
can’t be explained

i don't know what i want from you
i don't know what i want from myself
i just know
that i'm a certain type of way with you
i'm me
the best version of me

the creative mind
sees
                                                           s                  o
                h                               n            c      t
t          e                      c         o             n            n                                                      
                                                            e     i

the hallway seems so dark
way too dark for me
i need to pass through
to reach the next door
but it’s so dark
so so dark

like the writing on the walls
you inspire me
endlessly,
timelessly,
the mind works in a wonderful way
who else has thought this thought
while seeing that writing, or
while seeing your face

sweetie do you see
the resemblance between
your heartbeat
and your life

i opened my window
and the wind blew in
turning over a page
telling me
that it was time
to start a new chapter

this that
this this that
talk is cheap
and the language poor
the only thing rich
is action