let
me
breathe
easily.

I used to lie on a bicep
Wrapped in the natural scent of skin

Turns out a pillow isn't that bad
While a blanket is definitely the best comfort ever.

I was just a little girl
Watching chaos unravel, helplessly
Confusion became a daily routine
Silence, my only defense
And I honed the art of observing pain.

Day by day
I saved up pieces of disappointment
Until the jar began to crack
Spilling exhaustion
Hardening into quiet rebellion
Sharpening into well-trained disgust.

We stopped looking, even beneath the bed
Where is the sorry we deserved?
Where is the responsibility you clung to so tightly?
Where is all the change you once promised?

But whatever
You're here, technically
And us?
We've mastered the art of needing nothing from you.

I wish we never met
Even if fate led us there.
I wish we never talked
Even if the words came easy.
I wish we let silence win
Even if the conversation pulled us in.
I wish we never saw the signs
Even if they glowed so bright.
I wish we never felt that spark
Even if it burned so right.

But everything happened
And still, I wish I could turn back time
Even if I would never know you at all.

We can be strangers if you like
We can talk about the weather
Our silly plans for the weekend
Or how life has been kind to us
Trust me, I'm a terrific actor
You'll hardly be able to tell

We can be strangers if you like
Or at least we can pretend that
It doesn't shred us to pieces...

This pen is no tool,
Nor is it a weapon,
It's a wellspring of magic,
Purist of it's kind,
All these stories in my head,
Pouring out like tears,
Dripping into to black blood I give.