i refuse to believe you.
i refuse to believe that you have laid your hands upon someone elses skin.
i refuse to believe that the treads that touch your skin have also touched hers.
i refuse to believe that your pillow soft lips have made hers fall apart into a melting *** of love.
i refuse to believe that your gentle voice has cooed her to sleep.
i refuse to believe you, for if i did
i fear i would go mad

we laid in my bed until the early hours of the morning,
tracing the constellations of our love on to my ceiling.
but now i sit, staring endlessly at a ceiling full of constellations,
and no one to trace them with.

i have wished upon many shooting stars in my lifetime
waiting for the proper one to come.
i wished and wished until i fell upon you,
the most brilliant star in my little galaxy.
but like all shooting stars, many people wished upon you as well
and fell captive to your wondering gaze.
if only i was a shooting star,
then maybe youll wish upon me.

you left again.
leaving throw about memories and open wounds upon my skin
you scratched my insecurities into my chest
you tore the air from my lungs
you pushed my into my knees and laughed at my tears.
even after all this
you still expected me to cater to your aching heart.
and i ******* did

my knees are bloodied
my eyes are sore
my throat is raw.
im tired of begging
pleading
allowing you to drag me along
just tell me what i am
what
am
i

what
am
i

"you cant love someone until you love yourself"
*******.
i loved you more than ive ever thought to even love myself.
and god you made it seem so easy to love someone like me, so i started.
and now im in love with two people, you and me.
what a beautiful life it is

no we weren't forever.
the promises faded,
the smiles disappeared into sorrowful glances,
the laughing eyes turned into glossed over stares.
no we weren't forever,
but you made me feel like we would be.
so thanks for the hope i guess

and you left,
after endless promises of staying.
that yet again, you broke.

just the very though of you
has my legs spread
like an easel with a canvas
begging for art

i’m just a phase.
to you i am the moon
the gentle light that caresses your cheek in the darkness
the one that revolves around you.
but as the moon is known to do, i’m just a phase
a phase of your love i fight to earn
i’m slowly fading,
and you’re doing nothing to stop it.
i’m soon to be a new moon.

i’m not sure who you love
who you give your light to
who your eyes shine for
but i know it’s not me

you put our song
in a playlist
you made for her

I am from empty wine glasses
From jack and coke
I am from the forgotten house on the cove
(broken down, empty, but only on the inside rather than out)
I am from great oak trees
Growing towards the sun, shading me from the harshest words
Im from Christmas dinners and alcohol scented sheets
From mom and dad
Im from the broken promises and the smashed plates
From “get out of my face” and “you need to be fixed”
Im from forced catholism and torn easter prayers
Im from the sweltering heat of the south, and the glistening waters of Italy
From pasta and fried chicken
From the harsh voice of my mother
The lack of care from my dad
From the ripped photos off the wall
From the loving arms, I always wished to receive.

i miss you just like a little kid,
a little kid with no sense of direction
no sense of new found love
no sense of the world around them.
i miss you like a sailor misses the ocean
lost without the sea
i miss you.
i miss you mom,
please love me
i need you

one day ill die
and the world will continue to turn
it will not halt
it will not stop
it will turn
so when i do
i hope you look to the sky
and know its alright

sometimes
i wish to be yours
the way you are mine

through rouge storms
and the darkest of clouds
through mighty waves
and broken wings
your light shines through to me
and makes my float into a dream.

goodnight pitiful world
goodnight to the one that dreaded my existence
goodnight to the one that wished me unbroken
goodnight to the one that shamed me into hiding
goodnight pitiful me,
you deserve the rest.

ill take all you can give and leave you empty.
ill **** all the blood out of your heart and break you apart.
im just a leech boy.

i wish there was a key, for life of course.
that could take all your pain away,
erase you from humanity.
i wish there was a key for me to press,
to make you forget me.
i need a key,
an escape.

you’re beautifully written.
the perfect story made of angelic construction.
you’re the greatest story i’ve ever heard.
god you’re beautifully written.

you can come home to me,
when you’re ready.
i left the gate unlocked for you

i’m flooded in love.
surrounded in promises that have made a blanket around my heart.
brought into a home made of the strongest arms.
i’m flooded in love.
and he taught me how to swim.

i’ve memorized your heartbeat,
i’ve let it’s sickly sweet beat flow through my ears and stick to the inside of my head.
i’ve memorized your hands,
how the creases and curves folds upon the strongest hands i’ve ever held.
i’ve memorized your lips,
the way they slowly curl and settle as you fall asleep each night.
i’ve memorized your taste,
that addicting taste that lingers on my tongue and leaves me begging for more of you.
i’ve memorized you,
and the song that is your life.

i long to feel what the people feel.
i want to feel the love,
the joy,
the excitement.
i want to feel the flood of emotions running through everyone’s veins.
everything but the pain,
for i already feel pain.
where did i go wrong

i find myself longing to remember the day you fell in love with me,
rather than the day you fell out of it.

it scares me.
the way the world beats me down, pulverizing my hope and dreams.
the way the air smothers me,
no matter how smooth the oxygen is i fail to breath.
it scares me.
how you can make the worlds fists halt.
how you can make my lungs expand with ease.
you scare me baby, but i love it.

what happened to us
what happend to the late night walks and the cookies made at 2 am
that happened to the stolen kisses and secrets whispered in the moon light
what happened to us
we are shells of people trying our hardest to love
what happened my love.. where did we go

sometimes i feel that im no where near good enough
that no matter what i do ill never be enough for you
my body always will be
my wandering hands always will be
but **** my heart i guess
itll never matter
ill never matter

butterflies in my head
my stomach
my arms
all around me.
you leave me with the fluttering feeling of their wings
their overwhelming colors
their need to be around you.
you leave me with butterflies in my tummy
flipping whenever they see you
and for some reason i cant get them to stop.
those **** butterflies

and yet again,
my tears have become a sea

and to think i would never break my own heart.

You leave me gasping for air, gripping at the teathered ropes that lead behind you.
I fell into your trap just as you wanted me to.
I fell for you and into your love.
Your air restricting love.
But its all worth it for you my dear

sometimes i wonder if you ever loved me, because if you did you wouldnt have left me so easily

i hope she slow dances with you, in the kitchen to the humming of the air conditioning
i hope she kisses you, with passion ran deep within her veins
i hope she sings to you, with angels in her voice and a sweet hum in her throat
i hope she loves you, with all she has

like you used to let me

i have peices of you stained on me.
like rings on a wooden table
like coffee spills on white t-shirts.
youre stained on my skin, never to be washed away
never to leave.
maybe thats why im hung up on you

im searching for you
in the clouds
in the streets
in the breeze.
searching for a hand,
a laugh,
a whisper,
a song.
but youll only sing for her

youll pull me along, through the dust, the heat, the cold, through the world
and no matter the pain, the blood spilling down my arms
the rope burns across my fingers
ill hold on.
ill always hold on

oceans wash over me.
obliterating my sin,
purifying my soul,
making me clean.
they wash over me coming
one after the
other
after the
other.
washing away their hands,
their smile,
their voice.
washing away the peices of me that once belonged to them.
these oceans of mine will simply wash me away

the sun failed to shine that day.
the ruby red roses failed to bloom
the sun failed to cast dancing shadows upon the streets
the clouds deteriorated into nothingness.
everything changed the day you left me.
and the sun still fails to shine upon my tear stricken face
abandoning the lit up the memories stored away
of simple me.

till death do us part.





i guess it wasn’t  death that could undo us.

you watched me cry one day,
without realizing the pain in my eyes.
although you looked into them
you saw right through me.

this place will always reside.
this place of love shown in
scrolls down the beach,
feral cats on my brothers street,
hugs when we first meet,
tear stains on my sheets.
this place will always be here,
just come back home and we can nurture it together

yet ill continue to spill my reservoir of love for you.
ill dump it in your darkest places,
spill it in your brightest
ill make heeping piles of hearts, broken and mended.
all for you.