Dear Nick,
I'm really quite sorry that I'm bad at this relationship thing
Please realize that I expected to never be loved and live with 75 cats
And I half expect you to start laughing and say "This was all a social experiment!"
But for you, I'm trying to be better at this relationship thing

Dear Nick,
I'm sorry it took me so long to call you back
You see, I have a crippling phone anxiety
and whenever I have to call someone I have a panic attack
But even if it takes pacing for 30 minutes, I'll always call you back

Dear Nick,
Sorry that I pulled back that day you tried to kiss me
And then made a dumb excuse how your breath smelled like popcorn
It didn't, and even if it did I wouldn't have minded
And now the only time your lips are on mine are in my dreams

Dear Nick,
I'm sorry I'm bad at expressing my feelings
And I can only tell you 'I love you' in cryptic rhymes in written word
And I'm writing you this poem you'll never see
But just know, you've been a huge inspiration to me

Dear Nick,
I'm sorry I say sorry for everything
I'm just so used to ******* up things
But I must be doing something right
Because you still loved me through anything
Maybe I'm not too bad at this relationship thing

I made a comment about jumping off a building the other day
And you looked at me and said "You shouldn't joke about suicide."
And I completely agreed, suicide is not a joke
But little did you know, I wasn't joking
And even though I smiled as I said it,
I silently begged you to see behind it
And pull me far, far away from the edge
Before I fell where no one could reach me
Because their is a huge difference between wanting to die
And wanting to **** yourself
It can make the difference between life and death
And I'm afraid I've gotten to the point
That I might just want both

If our love story were in photographs
You'd see two socially awkward teenagers
Completely candid and unchoreographed
Quick little snapshots of two people who slowly became friends

You'd see moments of a girl falling for a boy with black curls and skinny jeans
Her depth of field was shallow and she couldn't see she was obsessing over the wrong person
Her mind was muddles by her crush and she couldn't see clearly through her lens

You'd see her slowly lose affection for the boy in skinny jeans
And her f-stop finally let the light in
Her brunnette best friend started occupying her dreams
Oh no, she couldn't be falling for her best friend?

You'd see time lapse photography of a girl who couldn't admit the truth
Every girl thinks of kissing her best guy friend, right?
She knew that in a game of love, she would always lose
He occupied her brain like works of modern art

You'd find a picture of a girl who finally accepted how she felt
And stopped seeing things in monochrome
She took a chance at love
And captured the best picture of them all

The first thing I saw on my schedule was Photography first period in Room B22
My first photography class started with me rushing in tardy with tears
I sat far away from everyone else trying to disappear
I had no friends in that class and I didn't think i'd like Room B22

There was a boy in my class in Room B22
I didn't notice him at first but he seemed kind
He was scrawny and cute with brunette hair just a few shades lighter than mine
I still didn't know anyone in Room B22

That boy talked to me one day in Room B22
And I tried to remember his name
I think it was Nathan...or Nick....or may be James
Wait! James was his brother and he was Nick, one of the many things I learned in Room B22

I started a friendship with Nicholas in Room B22
He'd always show off his pictures in the dark room
And I'd flick water at him while the other students fumed
I was glad I formed a friendship in Room B22

Our friendship began to grow outside of Room B22
We would talk in the hallway and exchange words
I grew fond of him and when we said goodbye, I missed him afterwards
I thought about how I never would have met him if it weren't for Room B22

I developed a little crush on him in Room B22
I tried so many times to tell him but the words got caught in my throat
I was concerned about our friendship and lost all hope
I held a lot of things back in Room B22

I fell completely in love in Room B22
I told him things I couldn't confess to myself
And he never treated me any differently, like I was someone else
I met my best friend and my first love in Room B22

She remembers when she was little
In school they'd warn against using drugs and smoking
Used to scare us with statistics and facts
She promised herself she'd never smoke or do drugs
Why would anyone ruin their life like that?

Fast forward 10 years, she kept her promise so far
She's obsessed with another kind of self destruction though
She cuts her skin, purges, and starves
She feels sympathy for people who do drugs and smoke
After all, they're just numbing the pain

1.Sight

Beauty looks like protruding bones
Photoshop, and makeup to cover tired eyes
Girls in magazines who emanate elegance
Even though the perfect girls are only a guise
That's what beauty looks like

2. Hearing

Beauty sounds like that girl you hardly know saying "*** you've lost so much weight!"
You feel happy for a split second even though you don't see it
It's standing up a little straighter when hearing someone call, "You look really great."
But the voices still say "It's not enough."
That's what beauty sounds like

3. Taste

Beauty tastes like diet coke, since it's the only thing you'll drink
Tastes like bile and the salty tears running down your cheeks
After you just puked
It tastes like binging food that you bought really cheap
That's what beauty tastes like

4. Smell

Beauty smells like febreze mixed with *****
In a pathetic attempt to hide what you just did
It smells like a million foods vying for your attention
But keeping self control even though you want to quit
That's what beauty smells like

5. Touch

Beauty feels like running your hands across your collar bone
Because it gives you the illusion you're thin
It feels like your stomach releasing an overdue groan
Because you've been eating as if there is a famine
It feels like grabbing the fat on your body while your mind complains
Beauty is feeling the knife in your back reminding you
"Beauty is pain."

There was a boy who loved a girl
And that girl adored that boy
The boy was happy and loved himself
The girl was full of self hatred and couldn't feel any joy

He didn't understand why she hated herself, couldn't she see he loved her even if she was depressed?
She couldn't understand why he liked her, couldn't he see she was a mess?

"You're such a narcissist." She'd laugh but she was secretly jealous
And she wondered how it felt to like yourself

She was amazed at how he always seemed to overestimate her abilities
He was stunned at how she always seemed to underestimate herself

She knew he deserved better though and tried to retract
But they were too in love and this is proof that
Opposites really do attract