he is an old soul
but in a young body
he loved the old girl

alla piccola bambina,

I think I owed you an apology from yesteryears and years ago, no about ages ago. this will leave a huge scar in my chest for opening up the wounds of an unopened conversation from years ago.

they said that a single hi can open a lot of unhealed wounds. It can lead to a lot of mixed emotions. unreciprocated feelings and unrequited love.  

I was afraid of confrontation, but I learned to swallow my fears just to know everything. They said, the truth won't hurt you. But in fact, the truth sets you free. At least now you know, what to avoid and what to absorb, right.

also, before I change myself just to fit in the norm, the cycle
but now I learned that not everyone is your friend.
I learned to check the pattern, observe the loopholes
I forgive but I never forget.

when other people bullied you because of your appearance
there were lots of times that you tried telling it to your parents
but they said not to fight back
or maybe because it is true, you are really ugly
I felt horrible
those words lived rent free in my mind
That I also believe maybe it is true too

I grew up thinking that maybe what they said is true
I learned to become insecure of myself
why others are much prettier than me
that was when I resorted to using filters

when I started dating guys,
when they know I experienced S.A
they started taking advantage of me
started using me for my body
little me did not know, it does not equate to love
but abuse and I became a forced benefit of something I did not want and did not sign up for

to tell you honestly,
piccola, this is a very interesting yet controversial topic for me.
All my life, all I did was chase after solutions that also ran away from me
I asked for help, but that help was a mistaken identity, which turned out to be a desperate plea
a cry for help, I look like a damsel in distress
I just wanna be saved, is it that hard?
every time I made a mistake, I always look back and reflect on what I did wrong in my past
Maybe it was because I was not able to forgive my old and young self for being harsh and for tolerating them
I did deserve what I tolerate

But I broke free from sin, because of His Love for me
The song I first heard when I surrendered my worries and fears to God was "I just want you" by Planetshakers
The lyrics of the song went like:

[Verse 1]
More than a nice melody
More than the sweetest of words
This is the love I have found
And in this love I am found

[Chorus]
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You, my Lord
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You

[Verse 2]
Never could I comprehend
The love You so freely give
Never could I be worthy
But Your love covers all of my sin

[Bridge]
There is no greater love than Yours
Nothing else could ever compare
And even if I searched all the world
I would never find a love like Yours
There is no greater love than Yours
Nothing else could ever compare
And even if I searched all the world
I would never find a love like Yours

[Chorus]
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You, my Lord
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You, my Lord
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You Jesus
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You, my Lord
I just want You, Jesus
I just want You


That was the first time I experienced that
whatever the people wanted to tell me
whatever their opinion is
it does not matter anymore
their feelings are valid, but their words have no value to me anymore.

There is no greater love than yours, Lord I learned to please the world, only to realize, hate and criticisms are returned to me. But when I pleased God alone, the overthinking and criticisms minimized. Its volume are low. Because God's voice is plausible for me to hear.

little girl, I hope you do the same too.

the words left unspoken
are sometimes
thoughts left unsaid
but lives rent free in our minds.

I grew up independently
maybe it was a perk of being a second child
or it was just that they see a potential in me
that I deserve to do things on my own

maybe that was the reason why
I became a writer
a poet, a speaker, an advisor
a friend someone could talk to

the words I tell them
are the words I always long to hear
that how I wish
someone out there
will say the same to me

but I met someone
we were both talkative
when we get together,
our time is always limited
I always feel sad when it is time to go home
because of all the people I met,
he never judged my past
or laugh at my scars
or bullied me for my cracks

instead, he consoled me
accepted me and made me whole
I realized that he is my twin
my soulmate,
he was made just for me.

he understands me.
instead, he helped me grow
he is my walking dictionary
out of all the hundred men in the word,
who always reasons out
he is the only one, who acted out.

Ti amo, mio marito!

So let me tell you my side of the sob story, misery-of-other-people enjoyer, that is you, right?
When my life is a mess, you laugh
But when you got into the worst-case scenario, you blame me for your stupidity
Girl, I am not even right by your side by now
I did not even dictate you to idly enjoy being a laughingstock
You just stepped into the cobblestones of America, your brain already clogged
Your attitude already changed, your personality is already a bit ******
Who cannot even accept defeat and mistakes.
Girl, grow the **** up
Stop being a victim in the own mess you made
Stop pushing people in the own grave you dig
You know, that smirk of yours will only get you in trouble
Not now, but soon. ;)
When you yapped, did you hear anything from me? No, right?
You asked for help, did you catch a single complaint from me, huh?
But the moment I opened my mouth, suddenly comprehension fails—even your IQ and EQ too
You’ve got endless whining, crying over this, crying over that.
You move without thinking.
You act without a plan.
We’ve already handled it, and here you are, still trying to nag about it.

Be one step ahead of us, or you will end up being a pathetic and desperate ***** with a pathological liar ******* son.

In the beginning, the sky was vast and empty,
Sol blazed across the heavens,
Golden, fierce, untouchable.
Luna glided in silver calm,
Soft, distant, a quiet ruler of the night.

Day after day, they watched each other,
Burning with a longing neither could name.
“You are too far,” said Luna, her voice a whisper through the stars.
“And you shine too bright,” Sol replied, his light trembling with desire.

But longing cannot be contained forever.
On rare days, when the world seemed to pause,
Sol reached across the horizon,
Luna glided toward him with a gentle pull.

Their edges touched—
A kiss of gold and silver,
A fleeting embrace that bent time itself.
Birds froze mid-flight, oceans held their breath,
Mountains shadowed in awe,
And for a heartbeat, day and night became one.

“The world must not see,” said Luna,
Her glow dimming, reluctant to part.
“I know,” said Sol, burning brighter with love and sorrow.
“Yet we are bound to chase, to follow, to long.”

Then the world sighed,
And the moment shattered into shadow and light.
Sol withdrew, fierce and aching,
Luna drifted back, soft and sorrowful.

Still, they waited, always waiting,
For the next rare day when the world would pause again,
When the sun could stretch,
And the moon could reach,
And the eclipse would happen once more—
A stolen embrace in the endless sky,
A love that could never last, yet could never die.