the most frustrating thing
when it comes to a writer
is when everything
every word, every letter,
isn't enough to give justice to
the captivating picture of you
in the afternoon:

soaked in sweat,
grinning foolishly,
striking up a conversation
about coffee,
and how unhealthy it is
for me to drink
three cups straight,
to stay awake,

yet the bittersweet taste
stains my lips.

it spills down my throat,
covers my lungs,
and drowns them
with the addicting aroma
of coffee beans
and lazy dreams,
until i cannot seem
to breathe,

and the only thing
i can ever do
is to spill ink
for you.

I awoke as a tinder wolf
growling
a cut shawl man
dreaming of scarf’s
that left the world
drifting on infinite
dependency

I know I have
to wash
my human on
there are cigarettes
to be sung

could I be
a long shank man
a conqueror
or magician

No I am tinder wolf
howling,
hunting more
tobacco

Walking silent
forever
an assassin

Long drives
replay long
conversations
that sit with me
through longer
nights.
But your stay
was so
short,
sometimes I'm
not even sure
you were real.

.
did you trick yourself into an illusion,
that popping pills and getting high
Is a sure fire way to make memories?
You're not euphoric anymore when you take them,
You're not any thing anymore all the time
and you honestly can't remember a thing.
You're strung out and you talk too much.
The bags under your eyes are a gracious touch

You're bragging about feeling amazing but
When was the last time
You felt alive?

your mind is like the ocean
a constant wave of emotion
for a second it was a storm of hate crashing out
now it is a calm tide of love surfacing about

beneath the tides lie countless wrecks
like memories resting inside my head
I thought I'd forgotten
placed them deep below
but they surface from time to time
trying to stay afloat  

my mind has a never ending complexity
I own it - yet struggle to control it
it is drowning in emotion
it is struggling to keep afloat

but for now I will bathe in the undisputed unknown

I awake with the dripping anxiety of death
It's puppetry crafting my fears with its laced strings
Making me do the dance of regret and guilt
The darkness consumes me as I writhe with the agonising realisation

I am not alone
I am going to die
I see my tombstone
I see my soul starting to fly

But why?


That night when the moonlights silver ribbons danced across the darkest ocean.
His face dripping with the crimson liquid that shows the sign of life
Sirens echoed as red and blue flashed into the night.
It was my fault.
It's always my fault


He died because of me
And now I can't see

I can't sleep
I can't breathe
Save me... please
Save me from this nightmare

I walk along
further into the distance
breathing in your scent
you know this power
the power you have
to control me

Will you let me go?
what happened to you?
the one I used to know
possibly love

That person is gone right?
vanished, like the love
I thought I have to give
seduced by your words
never by your actions

sweet nothing whispered
in my ear
your breathe brushing against
my skin

Compelling me to obey
Was that you?
No. Sweet nothings are
never your words but
his

Your gone so I'm alone
with him. The him that is
not you

Stuck in this one
sided love

I call my own...