Indigint rehab,
checking in checking out,
another bout,
another sight,
you're weeping in the bathroom,
not knowing that life is tapping its toe impatiently,
in the next room,
choose to be,
choose to rot,
I chose that my past will always be there,
but sometimes it's easy when it's normalcy that you sought,
forgetting to forget,
you take your breath and move "one day at a time",
so they say,
but really it's one step at a time,
your life is unmanageable that's clear enough,
full of things and stuff,
but another suicide attempt under your belt,
and another counselor asking you how you felt,
the rhymes are oot of place,
like you feel whenever you walk through another space,
who's to say you werent in the right,
who's to say that you arent just looking for another fight,
so focus ahead my dear guy,
for once you can remeber what color and how to pronounce,
the works that unlie,
in this new story you can decide to write,
keep moving,
"Dont give up and dont give in",
leave your pride and take that stide,
clean yourself up kid and walk through the bathroom,
you'll start seeing all the crazy new,
and the bits of blue,
from your new view,
with cigarettes and skylines,
You'll be just fine.

I'm done trying to write,
So I'm going to write.

I kept searching through a
catalogue of memories,
And soon-to-be's,
Trying to find some great metaphor,
Or situation to use,
But it became borderline self abuse
Trying to find non-cliche *******,
But I'm done trying to right,

So I'm going to write -

'I miss you'
and well, the real question is
Who the **** wouldn't?

Your eyes hide a lot kid,
And that's what makes you frustrating
I can't tell if they are clear or fading,
But I kinda hope I never learn
So it forces towards me to discern,
If you really choose comfortability
That's ok lady gaga because your poker face
will never outpace your smile

That smile gives away more than your eyes,
The sudden urge to not when you know you're speaking beautiful lies
It shifts when you need to look away
And it's because you have to wear it every day
It's easy for someone to miss
the subtle ways.

And you, you're as subtle as a chainsaw,
To the people that actually see you.

Staring at the ceiling sky
Past lover's faces
Eyes
Dotting
The midnight moonless skies

Stars twinkling
Their light having been cast
Many light years ago

Each one for their time
Had in their eyes - for me -
The golden glow

Meteor showers of montage sequences
faces
scenes
times
fly by
Trailing ribbons in the ceiling skies

The dots when taken together
Tho eons passed and separated
Pieces and bits form constellations

Eros
Aphrodite
The Mother
Sancho Panza in drag disguise
A female Damocles and her sword
The Companion Star, still glowing here in the Western sky

Looking backwards in time
Their presence was once present
Now, all have vanished
Moved on to other places in space and time

Aware of all I have been given
All I've learned

Remembering I loved each one
And when the moon is right
and the ceiling is dark
and there is no sleep
for me tonight
Their light still shines
On my ceiling night sky.

Dear dream girl,

Before I let the words unfurl
Let me thank you for meeting me there.
It's a place I know but have never been,
It's ground soft, like a nostalgic sin,
And I wait,
Wait for a sound or a feeling,
Sortof sitting, sortof kneeling,
You are there.
How you found the lair,
Or why we started talking were questions
I would not far,
to ask or know
Your face would change in your tone,
I had my bottle and you had your phone,
But neither of us would let go of them.
You didn't like talking unless I said something first,
And I was always left with a thirst.
There were walls like we were somewhere artificial,
Manufactured for a short use time;
I didn't reply, but you said "it will be fine".

The walls have reel to reel projectors,
With a hum of ghostly patriotic defectors,
With a weird blue tint,
Memories of terrible heartache stints,
My demons playing on the left
Every time I yelled or was jealous,
And zooming in it shows your smile
Or the sadness on the other end of the phone,
Or the craving to be with me at home,
And on the right was you putting walls up,
Fighting on things that now really don't matter,
Zooming in on me smiling,
Or the me just getting sadder.

I asked you to meet me here tomorrow,
Because I'll take all the time I can borrow,
The door closes,
And I'm awake.

From toes still in the water,
With love.