big cat
in a big pond,
have this rock.
the ground willn't
break.
safety where
i had found it yet
beside just myself.
and sure, swim to it in any time of need.
then where shall you sail ?
where will you see ?
will seas and seasons
be what time is to me ?

an instrument is like a dance floor and
the notes like a partner
in which the expressive heart
of all things
begins to align
and coencide with nothing but
the language of love.

who has befell me
has gifted me grief,
has caused my body to lie
in a needed slumber

what is missing
in my heart full of love ?
what has
filled my lungs
with desperate breathes
and made everything
a sloppy mess ?

how do i cleanse this ?
ive purified my ends,
means matter more i suppose.
I lack the love I once had.

when will I be me again ?
because I feel it.
the mirror suggests otherwise,
but i try to look past it.

the mud in my heart painfully
grows mold.

things evolve,
mature, over
sad branches
of synchronicity.

i should grow some new trees.
in fact, i'd like a garden.
i still will water those elder's old.
their love triumphed over these new beginnings; for a keen eye.
those brothers and sisters in nature make me feel bigger, greater, than myself.
role models of strength i have known since young.

if i had you by my side
   i could accomplish everything.
with you in heart
i could accomplish anything.

red pin hole
crimson quasar
  Cain's keyhole
   astral fire
i look
   eye to eye
   i hurt and hurt
  flux of heavy scales
judgemental eyes
stare back

they tell you to put it all in the past
to move on
so they can hide their crimes
in the drift of time.

but time.
it always favors good.

while on earth its true we are always somewhere between heaven and hell.

soon enough
you will be nothing more
than a bad dream

soon enough
the wound in my back
will respectfully be gifted back
by another

respect for those that believe love
can only be all good.

i shall be a pillar
that you can lean on.
one that
may try to sell you something sweet.

just like it was me coming after me,
it was you leaving you and
it was you getting mad at you
and piting that you that you
left behind.
ergh.
it is a struggle in my head, a problem i will find to overcome.
but deep down you want to listen to the music,
that i know.
and i love all there is on the way
even up to your surfaces. singing of each layer i can.

i can't find all the words
     to tell you how much I love you.
i can't find all the words
     to apologize how much I hurt you.
i can't find all the words
     to say goodbye to the love that last forever.

yet i say; nonetheless- and forgive the attempt in its fruition.

i dont love pain.
i love relief.
i hate inflicting harm.
i hate it inflicted on me.

the tears have perforated grooves
inside my face from how long
i have kept them in.

depression is a plague on the mind
demanding everything
while pushing its entire weight
against every action you make or
wish to make.

judgement and bias
are way too shortsighted
to buy into

I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
I'm a fighter,
   I love the eyes that think they know what they see.

so many people
I pray for-
I used to write
Just to soothe
someone
that felt a little
like me.

flowers for her,
floating by
in a river.

his hiking boots
stepping into
Spring time.

I know love is
so cyclical-
I'm growing
ever
more cynical.

I'll let her take
me to her sunny
benches if she
let's me.

Like an oyster
or a baby reef,
she's opening
herself slowly
to a possibility
of being hurt
by others.

ive looked different every season
a new face with a changed reason
picked up a new scar, that was once a lesion

it's hard to keep it straight
like a new task that im returning late
some will call it karma, some would call it fate

my past is a lesson, my past is a weight
it's golden, it's a blur
only some would relate

shine in light
from within
or from the
reflection of
the cosmic's
good aptitude.

you play off my instincts like a predator.
your bite is enough to drown in.
your fight is enough to dose in.
your lips are like 100 roses
and I'm aware your blood excites
my taste.
your tongue's touch perverts
from the wickedness.
and the love is wildly bountiful;
I am liberated.
just one of your kiss,
is enough for my benediction.

I knew you'd run,
and you knew I'd chase.

do you see me in a star?
a tree?
the ground touching your feet?
that wonderful picture you drew for the entire world to see?

a cloud?
a stick found?
an animal with a silly sense of the profound?

a little treat?
one to pop into one's mouth while in defeat?
a kiss?
a wish?
a tender lovesick?

a place far?
it a one far from bizarre;
a home built without arms?
a dead end?
a pool side tend?;
lost act of babtism in a man-made lake:
fenced in by my scars?

a whole head of lead;
one that gets a little too upset?
someone so far too in their dread;
to help?

a savant, a fool said, trail blazing by his own design?
but still one who found himself equal, amidst all of people; and loved them above their, and in turn, his own value?
all to the tune of a rhythmic soul's belt?


one could never truely know.
i only grasp at the collective human primordial seed.
to understand this waking world.

i can accept failure
just as much as i can let it go.

life can not be built among liars

the soul is open to pain if it welcomes
growth

the waste of movement unneeded
fuels my dance
and its rhythm reveals truth

sorry to those that have no clue what in the sam **** im talking about lol

i could join an us
for us and them
but then they recieve the torment
So rather just i and them


better that than the nature of everything to win as it most usually does.

i stick in what, seems, poignant
but is agrassed in singed dew
anew

waiting to say sorry
so i can fly somewhere new

i would die for another's sins
all in a natural insurrection
of our foulish design: more faulty than kind.

dark clouds and thunder
yet not a single drop falls
it's all in my head

I truely believe I make mom proud
that's what I hold on to,
that's what I hold on to.

i would awaken next to you.
looking upon you
would sustain my dream to the day.


the touch of you those days,
would light me inside
my skin fit to fill with
the essense of shiver.
that same touch now
could leave me
crying,
broken and enraged;
like an abandoned puppy.

preaching loss to those
that haven't seen its pure cosmogonal face,
like a vampire feeling young off a new-ly acquainted eternal aging, or
like a future wall you supply to backs in tired moments of humanity, or
a revelry of armor in lessons of the past.
true loss-
a virus of our machine
spreading through cracks in the seams
of one's soul and
dominating your every will
and clamping shut
every peek-hole of home
in leagues of the deepness of sea
of a non-comforming depression.

to question why you get up,
is not as important as getting up.
it speaks so true of that
devil's irrelvance.

you're a shooting star dear.

wipe out my existence,
and start me anew.

once i stood to gain something
i could only see the fall again.
so i lay for days,
back in the trenches where I
work best.
whittling words,
praying for peace,
integrating integrity,
and daring limits.

do you like me as an artist or as a friend?
was I a lover that called at the end of the night, or one that faded into the darkness?
am I preserving voice within your life or just a chiming ear across the bar?
a tongue spewing a string of meaningless profundity or am I a list drawn of striking profanity?
a professional handshake ?
or a charming smile ?
an awkward pause ?
do I swim in your mind like a diver ?
or do I pass like a wind ?

my priorities have been destroyed since I met you for the first time.

an addiction that had waves
in chapters of a rainbow.

fear of changing definitions,
your priorities far from me,
my heart slowly broke from
an unloving god-
that heart rebuilt greater from
a loving one.

unwavering forgiveness
and unabated kindness
attracts sinners and
the trials to keep
your own sense of
sunshine.

i was the happy little boy
the one that smiled over his frowns,
just to show his face,
swore it'd light up a whole town.
knew it'd light up his favorite face.
but after under every smile , was
transient at best: anguish at worst
and when the world started to dull,
he didn't know that feeling was him slowly dying alongside you.

you'd rather hate me than miss me
banging large percussive drums
enraged; so passionate.
I'd only listen in on its fruitful
blasts of flame invigorating your soul
nodding a head alongside.

let the anger out
and by god it might
be productive.
i will persistantly
attempt to advocate, to
evoke the life inside you.
the true living.
advocating for openness
until the clawing hands
of nature, in time,
drag us all down to be but
a garden of daisies.

to whomever this may concern-
I love you.

the concepts are like objects,
like mirrors.
whatever you see
is in some part
your ownself.
focusing within,
we are all trapped
within our own mind
treating others outwardly how
we wish to be treated or it
a cry for help.

when i look in the mirror,
i love what i see.
i hope to not let it hurt me as i accept my own image,
only-
but if i see a little truth in
what others do
that i hadn't before.
then, its time to channel it more to good.

love is not a school of science,
    that is why you fail
       if you test
         for a grade.

your stranger name
is a dangerous
palette cleanser

If my mind is cursed,
tell me why I still feel blessed by your precenses'.
Voices unheard but still there all the same - phantoms of feeling that leave my intuition partitioned.
I am not I, I am the culmination of bodies and minds guiding me through wastelands of unknown; yet still marching with the hat of a leader.