you watched me like a specimen
as I ripped myself open to you
in every inch
of my infected mind
without a word you gazed
upon something that had fallen
so far from grace with a curiosity
of a morbidly astounished
passerby.

you were better than you mocking me
like I'm just an excrement,
better than you playing pretend that you love me
and ensuring the most gain
of my ensured loss
from the plans of your getaway

I've called to God so many times
in maggot infested trenches and
the only answers were
ever in my prayers,
someone must be there
to treat me right
respect me
so that I may try to love
again.

For now it's a disgust
to try for anyone's lips,
a deep despair in the
theory of your embrace,
some shame like it a stain
upon my name.
but these old ways slowly
wash away with
each day,
my past of a broken love
drains down the drain.

and if you were here to stay
if you wanted to be by my side
and you were here to stay
to love me right everyday,
I'd take you to be- be you as you may.

ive looked different every season
a new face with a changed reason
picked up a new scar, that was once a lesion

it's hard to keep it straight
like a new task that im returning late
some will call it karma, some would call it fate

my past is a lesson, my past is a weight
it's golden, it's a blur
only some would relate

you looked happier in the past

I wonder if it'll last

life came quick, it sure was fast

changed the movie, changed the cast

I found my fears
and gave into them
I feared losing another
person I cared about
I didn't think I'd know
fear like that again,
I thought I mastered
it before
I didn't know how to
fight it like before
so it took everything
while making me feel
safe
I felt comfort while it
occurred, some part of
me wondered if I'd survive
something like that again
I felt safe and it was secure,
I had my own arms to hold
onto dearly
Maybe that means it was to happen, for sure
but a part of me wishes you still belonged here- to see if we could survive together this fearful storm and gloomy weather

I'm not worth much to you anymore.
a thrown out poem
a burnt letter
a scribbled note

is there an
are you sure ?,
a confirmation of your deletion,
atleast a reason for its completion ?

I miss it like snow in summer,
a longing for that season.
I'm lonely and tired and waiting
for it to feel like you are back
in my arms.

I'm too far gone
in my fallen
terrible poetry
to save you
any receipts

All the longing
that's been endured
to be back in
another's arms
just to now be so unsure
whether I'm ready for it

For it'd be nice but it'd
be wrong for me
to love you so deeply,
to pick you up, just
to let you down easily

I'm moving through life
so hastily, at pace
for my youth.
moving to each and
every block as new

When I'll stop no one knows.
but when I do,
when I arrive,
I'd hope to see you there
waiting on a park bench

I feel like I've lost some of myself.
In faded egos, one step back.
I lack.
Where I used to enjoy my skills in pride I'm now humbled by a better next.
I'm used to being human though, so I'm confident.
I fade again.
Who is this man you see ?
Does it matter to me ?
Who is this man before me ?
Through time my name is the only thing I keep,
the only thing that stays the same.
Yours fades, it goes away, but it stays, it stays just the same.