I remember the first time you leaned in to kiss me,

The way you held my waist gave me faith,
And I could recite the words on your lips with the same fluency a priest could recite prayers,

I remember how the taste of cigarette butts and addiction told me more about your sins than your words ever could,
And the skin of your fingers and how you held my hand as if it could've would've cured your depression,

Your touch against my skin felt like wedding vows in front of a priest,
Yet my hand trembled like a Saturday stripper at Sunday mass and not even god himself could stop it,

The way your body looked that night gave meaning to the word "miracle",
And how heavenly you looked under the moonlight could make a Christian want to be loyal to someone other than Jesus Christ,

My dear, I hear your voice behind the religious advice my parents gave me, "she's no good for you, she's no good for you",
And I remember how we drowned all the memorized bible verses in alcohol and sweat,

I still remember how I knew that you'd be leaving and how I wept into god's fists, "don't let me fall in love, don't let me fall in love",
And how we'd always find a way to sin, no matter the countless efforts made by nuns,

I remember how you smiled in between kisses, like 7 year old footsies at mass,
And I can hear the silence in the confessionary booth, and how I wanted to kiss you for a thousand light years,

I promised I wouldn't let it fall a p a r t, like god promised when he made the rainbow,
Yet the rainbow looks more familiar than you now a days,

So, dear, no matter how we fell apart nevertheless, I hold you sweetly in my ocean, like rosaries stuck in between pages,
And I never doubted you how I doubted whether god would help me through  nights like these,

And if god gave me this soul,
I will repay him by loving you with all of it,

And I will never forget how your lips danced while you told me you would kiss me till the end,
But those same lips would grow arms and shut the doors into heaven closed

Poetry is my voicebox
Instead of translating
Sounds into wavelengths
It transalates my
Thoughts into strings
Of fragile and delicate letters
Held together only by the weak thoughts of my mind
Barely heard through the clutter
And chaos
The jumbled fragments of dreams
All cracked from the emotions
That I've held in too long

"dear world, please do me a favor
please tell your inhabitants to listen to you
tell them to take a rest from all their labor
and listen to my words filled with truth.

dear adults who thought my depression was a joke
I want you to realize that I'm no ordinary folk
you don't know what it feels to want to die
everyday of your life because of your mind.

dear popular kids of my school
I hate you all for thinking cutting was cool
none of you have the right to try it too
because none of you know how to not be you.

dear friends of mine who left me behind
I hope you're doing well in the graves of my mind
I wish you all just listened to me
and how maybe, this wasn't to be.

dear stupid society of mine
please stop with your crime
people like me don't deserved to be judged
by people who are no better than mud.

dear world, please do me a favor
please tell everyone to stop their labor
tell them the news of me who died
because I was never enough for my own kind."

if you take time to think about it -
water has many different personalities.
it will burn you, unapologetically, if it's boiled
but it can be so cold that it chills you to the bone.
water can flow freely, or be stagnant.
water can be clear, completely transparent -
or clouded & dark, all depending on where you find it.
water is life-giving; it will save you if you're dying of thirst,
but it can also be a poison - if not properly treated, before taking a drink.
it's powerful enough to destroy entire cities,
but gentle enough to bring life to flowers.
water can hold up a ship- but it will still slip through your fingers.

(water - was the color of your eyes,
  and ever since the day you left -
it's all that seems to come from mine.)