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Tessa F Jun 2014
Our hearts are fragile gifts;
They can't be open
Without being broken.
Tessa F Jun 2014
I can hate blue eyes
That catch my green ones on the street.
I can hate love songs
That make me turn off the radio.
I can hate seeing fire fighter symbols
That remind me of you.
I can hate that I still wear the bracelet
The one that you made me.
I can hate your shirts
That fill my closet with your scent.
I can hate crying
The kind that knocks me over.
I can hate that bench
Because we used to kiss on it.
I can hate cuddling
Because no one else's arms feel right.
I can hate blankets
That give me a false sense of security.
I can hate sleeping
When it only brings more bad dreams.
(What's the point in sleeping
When my waking hours are nightmares too?)

I can hate knives
And the fact that there are so **** many in this too small house.
I can hate breathing
Because I know it's something we both do.
I can hate myself
For not being enough for you.
The only thing I can't seem to hate
Is you.
I wish I could hate you.
I feel like it would hurt so much less
Than loving someone
Who is no longer here.
Tessa F May 2014
Some days I am convinced
That you are right here with me.
As I sit at my desk
Reading sad poetry
The window blinds are swaying.
The window isn't open.
I sit here letting tears leak out
To the beat of sad music.
I tried to stop the blinds from swinging.
These days I can't focus at all.
The rhythmic swaying starts right back up again.
The light moves
And dances over my fingers.
The blinds occasionally tap against the window.
It's as if they are reminding me
That I am not alone.
That you are still here.
I find myself right back in your garage
Slowly dancing
And swaying in your arms
My forehead resting on your collarbone.
It's funny the things that take me back here.
But no matter what I'm doing,
All I can think about is how
Light dances across your lips
The way these window blinds are dancing with the sun.
Tessa F May 2014
When going through hell,
We'd always look forward.
God do I look forward to our cabin.
That one place where we pretend
Everything will get better.
You haven't mentioned it in a while,
But it feels like I visit it every day.
A warm fire to dry the tears.
Trees to listen to the broken singing.
Even though it isn't real,
This is my home base.
Our cabin.
I sit on our couch and breathe
With my face in my hands
I swear I can feel you
Rubbing my back.
I always pretend you're here.
It's the only place I can find you anymore.
But at least in this imaginary place
There is an imaginary chance
That things might still turn out okay.
Tessa F May 2014
I once read
That if you think of yourself as a plant,
It might be easier to love one's self.
We are sprouting, growing, changing,
And require delicate care.
We need lots of water
And to feel sunlight daily.
We may need a trim sometimes.
Think of yourself as a plant
In the way that on some days,
You are blossoming.
And on other days
You may be wilting.
But when have you ever heard a person say
That one flower is more beautiful than another?
Plants just are.
To stay healthy,
Every now and again parts of ourselves
Need to fall off.
They will grow back eventually.
But we need to keep ourselves rooted, grounded.
Be ever mindful of the health of your soil.
Remember that plants are strong and unstoppable.
When cut down they always grow right back up.
Everyone needs a new start sometimes.
Stand tall in your body and breathe.
Take care of yourself.
You deserve it.
You make the whole world more beautiful,
Just by being you.
Tessa F Apr 2014
I was wearing your shirt
My hair half falling out
And you stood behind me
In half of your tuxedo
With the gentlest hands
Slowly pulling the pins
Out of my hair.
I'm still not sure why
I found this moment so breathtaking.
Maybe it was the stillness
Or the stripping of beauty.
All I know is that
In that moment
I felt how wonderful
A real life with you
Might be like.
Tessa F Apr 2014
This is how I like it.
A tangle of limbs and clothing,
Exactly like this.
Unsure of where I start
And where you finish.
Loving stillness.
You are my favorite
State of being.
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