drenched in the stench of competition,
unattractive ultimate of winning
a loss equates to confidence thinning
stopping not, for sake of the mission
for someone of high cognition
victory consumes you, leaves you grinning
unnoticed until now, same from the beginning
determined to conquer this fission
strict, stoic, aggressive ****
maintain control, grip tighter the reigns
anything from professional to Yahtzee
uneven match, still your moral gains
stubborn, step into a familial kamikaze
severing connection, frees me from chains

Look what you've done!
double the serving size of torment
the battle has begun
hunger pangs won't relent
another helping: slashes of lament
I'd rather be empty
necessary rations, I resent
beneficial to you, poisonous to me
drifting through the days, rugged debris
I've become a lunchroom paralytic
ignore me, mediocre bourgeoisie
not a stomach, but a heart granitic
I ask for seconds - of love, not larder
For once, I feel full. Incomparable ardor.

you're supposed to nourish me
instead, I only despise
that head and gut disagree
sitting behind a plate of lies
she bows her head and cries
I envy you, enjoyer of food
from the ashes she will rise?
my perspective, chronically skewed
everyone, easy to delude
the beast inside growls for help
to change the way her grub is viewed
crimson slashes, a silent yelp
sustenance, quick to be sick
slip into the stall and snick, snick, snick...

You don't understand,
thirty-two minutes -
threw my head in a dizzy-
I ***** up all of the things.

Replaying my choices
what if, what if
I should have known better
nuisance of twenty

hinged on the detail
stomach in knots
a nervous wreck
forget-me-not

The ache is there
to **** and burn
After all,
it's what I deserve

So, forget me not
here I go
slow, slow
strawberry fields of old

lost cause.
too much to handle.
unworthy, gross.
psychotic.
scaring even me.
unclean.
falling short.
unaccepted.
lacking.
lots of thigh.
no guy, no guy.
*****.
deserving of this

abuse, abuse, abuse.

dear dumb deer,
gentle though I am
I wish the worst for you

When you jolted my car,
you set fire to a flame that
even Smokey can't contain

Like a stone cast in water,
your effects reverberated
loud through my house

your innocence
your ignorance
caused me many tears

cosmetic costs the least of my cares
You hit me way worse
echoes of him curse, curse, curse.

Type A, I'm your gal
competitive, time aware
ordered and organized
in these do I Excel

to everything, an explanation
I seek to discover
like in math,
there must be an answer

but this, I think is different
life, you're a mystery to me
no sense in finding sense
disappointment will commence

so confused do I remain,
weak, tired, broken down
"It's not that big of deal," I say
"My Savior wears the Victor's crown!"