my stomach is sick, so sick with tears,
like they're filling me up after all of these years
of holding them back, filling my soul
so i suffocate and overflow,
and i want to leave, i want to escape
but there's nowhere i can truly go.

i want to drift into the stars
where it is cold, and so so far
away from this, and i am numb,
and the only thing i feel is from
the soft brush of starlight on my skin
so dull where sadness wears me thin.

i'm worn away, an empty shell,
no matter how i scream and yell
my mouth won't move, it won't obey
i wish i wish i could go away
sink to the floor, sink underneath
sink blissfully into death's smooth teeth,

he'd scoop me right into his arms
and i wouldn't scream, i'd be so calm
and smiling, i would go with death
the sadness cannot reach me there.
But up above, or down below,
right here on earth i overflow.

I reach my hands to touch you
in the worst parts
that you want
but i dont
but you do
but we dont
but we do-
the silence creeping in
just enough to rip my hands
onto you
and onto where you want them to,
heavy hands
heavy breaths
in and out,
tongue twisted between lips
and bad lies,
heart brokenness underneath blankets
and blankets of desire
piled on top of hormonic lusts-

I say that i'm sorry

i'm sorry that i don't love you enough to mean
i'm sorry
and to take away the heaviness
weighing down upon my lips
as they quiver and shake
because i regret getting in the car in the first place.

I wonder what's under that skin?

Where has your heart gone?
Did it flee with the rest of you?
Fit inside your carry on as the
wings caught air beneath them,
Im tired of speaking in check points,
Ive been waiting at your gate for days now,
Hoping for you to round the corner,
Back to this most timid of loves,
I'll even hold your bags,
Come home soon.

i find it bewildering
how western society
****** all the fat out
of certain edible products,
like yoghurt,
and by draining off
the fat replaced it with
excess sugar,
to then suddenly announce
that alcohol was a sugar,
what the ****?
alcohol (EtOH - Et is a
chemical shortening of
the micro-carbohydrate chain
derived from ethane CH3-CH3 -
ethanol) is the single most perfect
calorie unit, even if impure due
to dilution: a standard bottle
of smirnoff ***** has a rubric:
50ml parallels 50kcal;
i don't know where journalists
got the idea that alcohol is
in the sugar category - minding the fact
that i don't use alcohol as a recreational
party dumbing drug (liquid ketamine),
instead using it for its medicinal qualities
of sedation - i find arguments concerning
it a bit of a red herring / far fetched -
i hate drinking with people, i drink on my own,
i find myself very conversational
albeit slurring my speech after a drink
with a library on my hunchback,
but if the conversation turns sour
and no one's laughing with me
i sober up and alcohol doesn't recognise
the soul, but becomes purely metabolic,
and that *****.