I feel how forlorn I am
As at every turn you remind my chains
Which I never neglected,
Which I can never break

I feel their traces
always in my blocked arms,
in my wrapped broken wings.
The only difference is,
they don't hurt me anymore
and not heavy to carry...

I take them everywhere
and ****** when I feel empty.
It makes me overpower
the dreams of free vanity.

They kindly remind me
for what I was awarded them...
If you knew how hard it is
knowingly where the key is,
when fools point me saying:
'Look, he is flying in chains'

Resisting the pressures of past,
the most arduous duty I pursue,
I am sorry for missing myself
and sorry for missing you
in this rugged struggle.
And yet it is not too late
to deeply smile upon today.
So, I have a firm belief,
you'll remember all the past
in peace and sereneness,
time will wash all pains away
and defuse all seriousness.
You'll let me joke, you will see...
And I will feel free with you.
Then pensively I will ask:
'maybe for God to miss you?'
With different beliefs we carry
We both will laugh at this view.
However, with inner confession
only I will have perceived
the severity of my question.
You will just be angry
at my 'frivolous' way
But for me hereafter
the life is not anyway
as strict as a humour.
Strict it's my poetry - my poet me
- my solace neglected by you...
You are always very near,
as unwritten letters of mine,
as untold feelings flying through.
But I can type nothing to you
You are so cruel that
have broken my fingers also...
Just be a bit generous,
at least tell me any way
how without you to overcome
missing - in any meaning -
craving and hard losses?!

We swim only in shallow waters
Breakable limbs scrapping the surface
Of the thousand mile deep oceans
The bottom layers are wordless
You never cared enough to explore

Sunlight shines so scarely
Only illuminating what we want to see
Somehow we keep up it's illusion
It's all we've ever tried to believe
You never dared enough to explore

Waves roll over the turquoise surface
Their familiar motion puts a mind at ease
Big ones crash down, calm is disturbed
This is when we choose to leave
You never loved enough to endure.

.
And I stumble on across the barren land,
the mist, like a shroud, about me swirls,
chipped flint rocks assault my bare feet,
an endless quarry of slate grey, my world.

So the curtain of sadness and submission falls,
covering my mind with an opaque funeral drape,
the hazy images of the isolated and desolate,
forming the features of depressions landscape.

Vaguely felt, the invasion of another waits,
blind and innocent in a palace of real fear,
set free to roam in a strange arid topography,
desperate times pause for vision to be clear.

A stark scene viewed through teardrops frozen,
by ice winds of piercing calamity and despair,
of a place exclusive to the disaffected and lonely,
the last retreat for an exhausted mind to repair.

And this is my world where the haunted party,
leave me be with my cold mists and grey stone,
the frozen tear for a souvenir means everything,
my special gift, the feeling of being utterly alone.



© Pagan Paul (24/01/18)