While God is trying to teach me valuable life lessons.
Here I am in deep thought Stressing.
Every since I was an adolescent
I have battled the scary demons of depression.
Emotionally distraught
With a heavy heart I fought.
Broken and incompasciated
So Limp and feeling faded.
Weary and frustrated
Alone in the world so cold
Only The Father has the control to break the stronghold.
Hopelessness and despair
Finally I get on my knees and say the Lord's prayer.

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

I refuse to have A weak end. When I know trusting in Yah changes the heart of many men.
Time and time again
The only one on whom i can depend
My lover and friend,
My Father is The Alpha and Omega The Begining and the End.
Praise Yah Amen.

"Mommy, Mommy" every 5 Seconds, the tangles, matted hair,
the screams and cries of the children, "that's unfair", 
the messy intricate feelings and waves of emotions that are overflowing everywhere.
The pandemonium and turmoil in an uproar.
So chaotic I just wanna let out a thunderous , "ROAR!!!!"

Some times being a mother can be  Exhausting, strenuous, demanding and so time consuming that the fatigue will leave you drained and empty. 
Yet we mange to be Refreshed and new filled with a loving and meaningful spirit for plenty.
Each precious second with you I'm must cherish for it is Priceless.
I sit and watch you in silence,
the world stops and and in that breathtaking relaxed moment it feels timeless.
Caring for you has been such a powerful, captivating, and endearing  Connection
that In you, I see my own spiritual reflection .
To have such a joyful child,
My heart is overjoyed with pure Bliss and wowed.
Thinking on bittersweet minutes that lie
both exhilarating and depressing We can't deny.
On this Adventurous Voyage of you and I,
We've uncovered a love, a bond that gravity can't even defy.
Understanding this Magical, Amazing, Fulfilling journey of motherhood is an rewarding experience within itself.
Such a beautiful way to discovering a person's actual identity, ones true self.

Solitude, silence, peace, and quiet.
Passion, don't deny it, but rather apply it.
Conversations
that leads to Motivation,
requires patience
in complicated situations
with no limitations.
Compassionate with sincerity. Honest and Real covered with purity.
iridescence
is of the essence.
Precious significance in time implanted, in my brain like information saved on a hard drive. Aging like fine wine.
Encountering just a touch of a heavenly place,
Watching the Joy and laughter grow so gracefully upon her face.
Peace and tranquility a place that only seems to exist in the mind,
like a surreal dream captured in a moment thru space and time.
Respect is the detail and reverence  in Honor.
Looking in deep thought, Such pride and beauty that rest upon her.
Cherish is the adoration of treasuring, and protecting something most valuable of great prize.
What lies?
The Beautified feeling of when we get butterflies inside.
Just as the allegiance of obedience is Loyalty.
The king and queen are of authority you make her feel like a lady of such Royalty.
A relationship of deep endearment.
A level of intense intimacy and attachment is what love represents to me.

Im afraid to admit it but I think I love you.I'm scared I'm getting to close to you and yet we are so far apart. I'm afraid to let my guard down because I'm afraid you might hurt me.  I'm scared that if I give you my heart you might break it. I'm scared I might be to vulnerable, too emotional, too clingy, too needy. I'm afraid that I might be too much for you to handle. I'm not perfect for I am a human being. I make mistakes and I mess up. I'm afraid that you might not like I who I really am. I'm scared you won't love me beyond my hurt, my pain, and my faults. Warning sometimes I can be a train wreck and even sometimes a little bit of a witch. Can you accept that part of me??? At times when all I see is the worst in me, Can you love me like God and see the best in me?
I May not be beautiful on the outside but I promise that the beauty of me lies embedded deep within. Can you Intrigue my mind the way you would my body? Can you capture my spirit the way a picture captures the soul? Is it possible that you can love me for me Flaws and All???
If not we have nothing at all.
So for the life of me I can't figure out  why is that with you I so vulnerable. Like An unspeakable spiritual encounter with you every time we talk. Each conversation is so real, raw, and refreshing.
Everyday is becoming better than the next thing.
You have reached an untouchable place in my heart.
And this is why...............     the definition of intimacy is a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. Intimacy is also a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place or subject.
Intimacy demands these essential ingredients such as transparency, and Vulnerability.
You can't encounter intimacy pretending to be something you are not. Take a Chance with a safe person you have entrusted with confidence, and assurance.
Strip away the false mask of yourself and let the your true colors come shinning through.
Give it all you got Like it's the last thing you have left to.
I'm scared because I'm afraid to admit it but I think I love you.

Sometimes I look at you and smile because I am so blessed.
Even right now at a time when I am the most stressed.
You come running while I'm in distress,
you hug me, lay your head down with your ear to my heart and listen to that pitter patter in my my chest. You wiped aways the rivers of sadness that flows from my eyes.
I Think God has sent you to me, my Angel in disguise.
You are Such a beautiful Surprise! God knew Exactly what he was doing when he created you in my whom. Such a  beautiful spiritual being that blossoms and blooms
like flowers in the month of June.
He knew just what to bless me with and How Amazingly to do it.
You and I are a perfectly great fit. Because you and your brothers, I am a good mother and I cannot quit!
I'm forever grateful for the pleasure of just knowing you.
It's only been a year or two, so I Know This is just a Preview.
I wouldn't have a clue,
I honestly would be lost without you. But I want you to know no matter what, Mommy loves you Boo boo!

A note of Suicide
The walls were closing in on me.
Frustrated and furious significantly.
A grey cloud of despair, can't you see it in the air?
Where are you right now? You said you would always be there.
As the emptiness filled the atmosphere.
Anxiety grew so heavy and thick.
That I become Feeble and sick.
Overtaken by Outrage
Depression and I became engaged.
The sickness of guilt and shame filled my brain.
I've tried but I can't maintain.
Drunken with Rejection followed by a shot of oppression.
What if something gave me a motive
to end my life without further notice?
What would life be like if I wasn't around ?
would my kids and Family be happy or would they frown?
Living life so miserably
Like an inmate in prison not being free.
Stuck Like a Tree who's roots were intertwined into the ground.
Restricted, bound and beaten down.
I'm locked in.
Life's got me pinned.
I just can't seem to Win.
I'm Feeling like committing an unforgivable sin.
If you're reading this you are already too late
From the Premises of this cold lonely world I had to evacuate.
After so many had me crucified,
Just as my dreams have now so will I,
On the inside, I just gave up and died.
This is a note of Suicide.