if i go outside more
and try to cry less
i'd maybe believe
i won't just regress.

but that doesn't mean
i'll find any success -
Recovery doesn't just happen,
It's an ongoing process.

Because I'm Happy
I'm not Heavy but Light
I'm Day not Night

Because I'm Happy
I'm Freedom not Fright
I'm Colour not Black and White

Because I'm Happy
I'm Thankful not ungrateful
I'm Whole not Shattered

Because I'm Happy
I'm Fearless not Rrefrain
I'm Sun not Rain

Because I'm Happy
I'm Tough not Fragile
I'm Smooth not Rile

Because I'm Happy
I'm Warmth not Cold
I'm Heart and Soul

Because I'm Happy
I'm Love and Life
I'm Lover and Wife

Because I'm Happy
I'm Smile not Frown
I'm Up not Down

Because I'm Happy
I'm Fast not Slow
I'm Glow not Dull

Because I'm Happy
I'm Sparkle and Shine
I'm Yours and Mine

Because I'm Happy

It's 3am

I'm on the phone
No one's awake and I'm alone

It's 3am

The radio's on
Songs are played on lonely station

It's 3am

I'm in my bed
My eyes are open and sleep has fled

It's 3am

I'm on the balcony
The sky is dark and just quite scary

It's 3am

Some windows have lights
Could they also not sleep tonight

It's 3am

I'm still awake
When will life ever give me a break

Imagine yourself
a linear expression of experience,
a long strip of film like
the kind in old projectors with the
sepiatic sputters and flickers--
yes! Imagine yourself a strip of film but
rolled up messily like
the earbuds in your pocket or
folding fitted bedsheets.
You are a movie and the filmstrip endpiece lies at your feet,
you are knots and coils and tangles and
if you were to lie down at the top of this mountain for a moment--just a moment!--perhaps
the wind would catch the loops of film and
you would feel yourself
unravel.

Imagine
Perfectly normal house
Perfectly normal girl
Perfectly healthy body
Chaotic mind.
Her thoughts
As loud as waves
Clashing on rocks.
Yet a voice
So quiet
Like a breeze
Through palm trees.