I feel so lonely
With
No one to trust
Or
Turn to.
Supposed to be friends are more worried about themselves and can't notice what I'm doing.
I'm hiding
and
hurting,
Hurting emotionally
to the point where I've gone
numb inside.
The only times I remember I have feelings is
when the flood of emotions comes rushing out
and
leaves me
shaking
and panting for air.

Is he the reason
I like poetry?
Did I adopt his taste for it
When he read me
Short, unfinished,
Alcohol-influenced
Pieces,
Reading them out in
That voice I loved,
Probably would still love
If I heard it again.
He paused slightly after
Reading the one he wrote
About me.

I didn't try my hand
At writing poems for a while,
But now they keep me safe
Like first love.

You opened up my heart
but you treated me like
I am nothing.

A delicate flower
that you picked—
*now, slowly withering.

Buzz Buzz*
I casually unlock my phone
Probably my friend
Maybe my mom...again. -_-
No rush, no worries
Then I see HIS name
My brow sweats
My hands clench
Terror and dread courses through my veins
I choke back a screech of surprise and fear
I swallow hard
And blink a couple times
Rereading the name
Clearing my head
Soothing myself
Trying to remain calm
That boy
The one who caused me
So much humiliation
Who hurt me
A while ago
Who dropped me
Because I was always
His second option
I see his name
Hey how are you?
He says
I wait, about half an hour
But finally I answer with: I'm okay
Just okay? he says
My mind is hissing with furious remarks
Don't pretend like you care
How dare you ignore me for this long
Then suddenly give me a heart attack out of no where
Idk I'm alive
Barely. But I don't say that.
I told him back then
When I liked him so much
He was irresistible
Sadly, that is fairly true
But I'll make an honest effort
Because I don't have time
For his lies

You loved me,
Darkly.
Speaking in silent tongues.
Secrets
For us alone.
My stygian heart —
Exhumed,
Glorious in your rapture.
In you I am burning.
In you I understood.
Without you.
Lost,
Wandering.

When I was in the thick of it,
struggling with that depression and all it's horrors,
if I was having a really bad day,
I would climb out my bedroom window
and put a blanket on my roof
and lie there until the sun went down.
It's my favorite part of the day.
It just makes you feel good,
seeing something so beautiful, you know?
That's how I feel when I look at you.
There's a million sunsets in your eyes
and everything feels okay when they meet mine.
You are my favorite part of the day.

*~ Matthew Walker ~

everyone is the same person
just different incarnations
so really I am just you
trying to love
yourself