My bones ache
My eyes are hot and raw
I am utterly cast out to sea
Unanchored
Treading water in a vast expanse of terrifying blue turbulence
I shout into the empty nothingness
Driving the air out of my lungs to call for you
"Where are you?"
"Please don't leave"
"I am not ready..."
But you are gone
and my voice echoes in the deep
like the devastating and futile cries of the last Kauaʻi ʻōʻō bird searching for a mate who will not come

I write these words today
in hope that you might find a way
to know what is carved
into my heart.

I've searched for you
my whole life through
in every town or place,
I've been.

I know somewhere you must be there,
a belief my heart and mind both share
and they've reserved,
a place for you.

Though I often dream of you,
dreaming is all that I can do
so I just carry on,
along my lonely way.

Please hear my pleading heart
so that we may start,
to make all those dreams
come true.

With this hearts lament,
I must be content,
to hope, that you
might love me too.

For wherever you are,
no matter near or far,
this lament is sung...
just for you.

i met you when i was 14
and like an addict with their first dose of ******
i had a taste of you, liked it
i grabbed and hooked on to something
way too soon

i met you when i was 14
had my first kiss on a train in the sunset
something so strangely intriguing
it was beyond perfect, felt like home
and i thank you for that

had my first kiss on a train in the sunset
i gave my body to you
i thought that one day i was going to marry you
your fingers and lips traced every inch of my skin
our love was naked and raw

i gave my body to you
you were there in my room
we shared a playlist of stolen lullabies
i could see you up against the closet door with me
i closed my eyes as the moonlight washed me through

you were there in my room
i reached for you and you pushed my hand away
in the darkest crowd of the busy station
i saw you cry for the very first time
as the unforgivable words slipped out of my mouth

i reached for you and you pushed my hand away
we danced under the christmas lights
we never made it 'til the season
the decorations were put up too early
just like us

we danced under the christmas lights
you left me like my soul had left my body
phone call, 19:35
i guess you were relieved
but nobody else would care for me the way you did

you left me like my soul had left my body
i was a **** mess
no food, no shower, no friends, no life
i couldn't leave the couch due to my fear
that even seeing the littlest something would've reminded me of you

i was a **** mess
you had blades running down my skin
we were toxic
our love had both of us walking on a tightrope from the very beginning
i guess you fell off first

you had blades running down my skin
i found myself
you stold my highest passion - taylor swift
we were going to see her show later this year
but i was left with a spare ticket

i found myself
i was getting over you
sleeping, crying, dancing
until the music came back into my life
until i saw the sunrise for the first time in 6 months

i was getting over you

Today I caught a glimpse of cold,
accumulating through
a summer blazing's green-leafed hue.

In yonder search of gently swaying thunders
briscle scents of cozily wafting coffee wonders,
where rain collides and scorching light draws circles.

From where autumnal yearning lurks,
different nuances of gentle fingertips return,
directing grim muses to go berserk.

© fey (05/07/23)

You said I reminded you of the rain,
and I said you reminded me of the sunset.
You said that you'd stick by me
even if there was some thunder.
I said I'd stick by you
long enough to see every sunrise.

But then, there was some thunder,
and some lightning,
and the rain you thought you knew so well
turned out to be a hurricane.

You didn't stay, but to this day
I still watch every single sunset
and wake up early
to see the sun rise.

I want impossible things.
I just want to make you believe.
But I’m hardly even here.
And day will always break.
And pay checks don’t make themselves.
And I hate how much I love people
That humble my tiny fears.
I’ve rattled the gates at the top of your driveway in the cold of night,
Waiting for you to open,
Too many times.
I say I get taller by breaking down,
But quietly I wish we both believed in the same religion.
So we could stop arguing about it.
So you could think I was a genius.
So you could bask in it all like I did.
But I digress,
I learn to say.
I’ll learn to pray
Another way.