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Ariannah Aug 2
You gave me just enough to keep me hoping,
hoping that one day, all the allegations my mind has made about you wouldn't turn out to be true.
And so I waited,
I waited just enough to know that this is something I feel like I can't deal with anymore.
But I still stayed.
I stayed because no matter how many times I felt like my heart was broken into tiny pieces
I knew that you had the glue that would stick them back together.
And so I begged
I begged for the kind of love that should've come standard,
I begged for being someone's first choice
I begged..
just to feel loved.
But you held that glue in your hand high enough to make sure I could see it, but I couldn't reach it.
That hurt..
Because that's when I realized that maybe you didn't want me to have it
Maybe it was supposed to be a bait all along...
How you'd show me the slightest amount of love known to human kind and I would go head over heels for it,
How'd you'd make me believe that this time it's really a change, and this is actually getting better just for it to go back to how it was in less than a second..
I saw it all.. and I still decided it was enough to keep me hoping,
But now..?
Now I feel like I don't know what's morally right to do..
Like I have to choose between forgiving or just walking away
But instead, I'm sitting here questioning my inner self like I never wanted to hear an answer this badly before,
Do I keep hoping or do I choose myself and decide that what you showed me wasn't enough to make me stay..?
Ariannah Jul 25
Dancing in the spotlight
Was how I envisioned our love,
Forgetting the steps didn't feel right
So I put you above.

I let myself fall,
Just for you to have it all..
So I had to let myself think
Right step, left step,
Couldn't even get the time to blink
Let alone try to accept
That our dance was rhythmless.

Guess I could say that I got lost
Through all the steps that I was taught,
And all the promises you made
Left me wondering if our dance will slowly fade.

The trainer said "let's not give up"
But my mind would get disrupt,
And flood me all about this thinking
That our dance should just keep shrinking.

So now I come here, just to ask
Was this dance used like a mask?
Just to cover all the mess-
Should I have asked for something less ?
Would I be happier? Would it be better?
If we didn't do the dance together,
Cause I'm sitting here, and I don't know
If it's worth continuing the show..
Boma Jul 17
What did I do that was so wrong?
I just loved you
And you made me regret it...
Yet you still found a way to make it my fault
Sometimes... I feel alone.

And sometimes it bothers me, but sometimes it doesn’t.
And sometimes it feels nice, but sometimes it doesn’t.
And I find myself asking if there’s something wrong—
Something wrong with me, something wrong with my soul.
But there are no answers... maybe because there are no real questions.
Because I know there’s something wrong.
I just don’t want to believe it.
So I just say:

Sometimes... I feel alone.
Wrote this little one on August 2021 and found it today looking through my notes
Arii Jun 26
Sometimes it feels like
I haven’t done anything right
That’s enough to care about
And somehow
That’s worse than
Doing everything wrong,
At least then,
it’s noticeable
Enough
To care about
And deep down I know it well
I shouldn’t fall back
into bad,
Bad habits
But I can never help it
And
It doesn’t matter anymore
which way I go
Downstream or uphill
I’ll follow life’s flow
And if I don’t end up
where I yearn to be
It doesn’t matter
‘Cause it wasn’t up to me
Sophie Jun 15
Wrapped in my warmest wool blanket,
coldness resides in my veins.
My body aches for your embrace,
to revel in warm memories.
It was just a one time mistake...
The ghost of your cologne,
lingering faintly above the detergent’s scent,
makes my nausea strangle with warning.
You don’t love me- otherwise your
scent wouldn’t be on her bed too.

—Betrayal is not a mistake; it's a choice that reveals character.
Cynthia Jun 14
I am afraid that if I pluck every single bad part of me, then I won’t be me anymore.

Maybe that’s just who I am.

I am all the bad parts of me.

Are there levels to this?
Is there a hierarchy for morality?

In some way I think we all are just as equally messed up.
Simply that some are less immune to it.

Maybe I am everything wrong with me,
everything I have done,
hurt,
bruised,
is just a sliver of my true nature.
ap0calyps3 Jun 11
Lost in darkness in my life, in his eyes I found my light
When everything is wrong, he makes it right.
inspired by
You're the only good thing in my life by Cas
A Vryghter May 20
“It feels wrong
trying to love already.
I should grief longer.
Keep the memories playing,
instead of fantasies.

I love you more,
you know that, right?
I whisper to the sky.
You always have a place here,
around the table, day and night.

It feels so wrong.
it feels so good,
that my eyes will meet another.
It gives me peace that your back,
next to your significant other.

Always in my heart, forever.
A piece I won’t remove.
Always in my DNA,
That wasn’t something I could choose.”

A.V.
I love you, grandma, grandpa, grandpa and grandma.
She stayed quiet & chained,                                                         ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
too tired, too weak to
think                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
He knew that she would
stay                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
as he poured another
drink                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
She was so beaten
down,                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                                     
she didn't even disagree                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                              
While he was *******
around                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
she told people she was happy                                                            ­                                                                 ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                
He took full advantage
of                                                               ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­            
a love he never
deserved                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                  
  When would she call his
  bluff?                                                        ­                
                                                ­                                                              
  ­When would her voice be
  heard?                                                        ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
  Would there ever come a
  day,                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
  that her pain would find a
way                                                             ­                                                                 ­
                                                                ­                                                 
 and her rage would blow him
  away?                                                         ­       
                                                         ­                                                           
No one would blink an
eye                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                  
but she would still probably
cry                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                              
While everyone was asking
why,                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
she was not able to say good-
bye                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­ 
To the man who held her
down                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                    
so, he could keep her in
check,                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
face pushed into the
ground,                                                         ­                                                         
                                                                ­                                                
and kept his foot on her neck                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                    
  When would she break
  free,                                                         ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                          
  be who she wanted to
  be                                                            ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                             
  not a victim of
  brutality                                                     ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                  
  Why would she dare to disagree?
Married to a narcissist, just saw the truth. It was never me, I tried & tried. I am not trying anymore. I am being heard at last and in control.
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