Dear every scary aspect of Earth
Dear the slug seeping through the sockets
Dear the rotting skull buried at my feet
Dear all the unstoppable intrusive thoughts
Dear the constant shift in emotion
Dear the next death
Dear the next unwanted touch
Dear the venom swimming through the veins
Dear the daisies which lay on top of the venomous veins
Dear what i might do next
and finally,

Dear the jump scares
you made me realise that the most frightening thing is,

smiling but my skull is screaming
nodding but my soul is sobbing
free but my voice is captured
open but my eyes are glued

love you but you love to hurt me
hate you but you feed my loneliness
need to speak but petrified of nothing
lost for words but won’t shut up

financially stable but life is poor
walking alone but surrounded by demons
listening to you but deafened by pain
wonderfully happy but tremendously miserable

it's all a mystery
next steps new goals
the past is history

can we savour the way the bed feels like one big embrace
can we relish the sensation of air in our lungs
can we try adore the imperfections without disgrace

today is here
yesterday is dead
tomorrow is yet to come

never mind whats on the agenda
ignore the impending fear of death
attempt to appreciate every second
learn to appreciate every breath

balancing the feelings
feelings which sit in my bones
crack your knuckles on my ribs
gutting me when I feel most alone

chapped lips
chapped lips pursed on the blank expression
tingling & lingering
watching the fire ignite in seconds

brush past me, accidentally creeping into my life
lifeless body triggered
what is it about you?
cheeky grin but no sin
reassuring eyes, secrets but no lies

symbolic human interaction
demons becoming a distraction
distraction leading to dissatisfaction
time to make my final transaction

tender, sweet & warm
bearing the sunshine after the storm

I’ll be your Christmas gift
wrap me up, but don’t suffocate
leave the mouth, I’ll communicate
remember to deliver that first and last kiss

it just wasn’t meant to be
keep on saying that to me
you’re right, we both know
I’ll try harder to go with the flow

you’re so chilled, life is a breeze
would you cope if your mind was diseased?
death is upon us my dear friend
soon we’ll be rotting, let’s not pretend

oh, but what if you’re already rotting?
well then maybe we are the same
i too, am dead inside
my corpse tiptoes around in shame

validation is all we seek
then you’ll wonder how life became so bleak
calm down, soon you will decease
unless you give that trapped emotion some release

Haze.

Cloud formation
9 degrees from location
I can’t see the formation
Of fear adopting me from temptation

It wasn’t honor or pride
It’s fear of what consequence resides
The naked plush of a lustful rush
In the trippy black out
emphasized by my friend’s paintbrush

I’ve never thought fantasy could be escalated
seems I’ve hit a milestone
I’ve shot up a dragon ride home
Now I’m excited by warmth and fascinated by combs
I’ve never wandered the medieval before
That’s why I stuck to game of thrones

My minds been freed
My body, imprisoned
It can’t be explained but it’s nothing depicted in illustrated predictions of purple, red and off key balance as seen in pulp fiction

They say drug use is escapism
Acid burnt down the bars of social anxiety disorders and confines of 3rd dimensional prisms
Left bare dialectical materialism
Molly taught me how to make friends
While your sobriety made you prone to solipsism

This was always what I’d imagined it to be
When I close my eyes and see
For a while I had looked over the wall than walk through the gate
Always drew the solution with stick to sand but never went into the maze
Always window shopped the shoes
But never tried them on to walked the way
Perhaps it’s a common laymen’s phrase
That drugs are a paradise lost in the haze.

One year later, I'm still where you left me.
Tired, undone and unfinished.
Untangling the knots
Of disappointment.

Two years later, I'm halfway there,
Still holding on,
To the promises you made.
Nearly forgetting,
You were never there.

Three years gone,
There's love for me to feed on.
Roughly recollecting the sense
Of your touch.

Four years lost,
There's so much I've gained.
Strength and happiness,
Unduly maintained.

Five years remained,
I've lost count now.

Too busy enumerating,
Favours of people
Who've loved me,
helped me,
And embraced me.

Tell me,
What won?
What gave in?

allow me to bring attention
to what I forgot to mention
I have a predisposition
to build fences when there's tension

and I don't mean to sound
like I'm trying to bring you down
but when you come around
I can't make myself stay on the ground

and this may be a little weird
but I have this irrational fear
of attempting to steer clear
of emotion whenever you are near

so judge me if you have to
I promise I won't be mad at you
we all have to do
what's best when we find our own truth

Open the door
Let in a new old friend
let's explore the concaves and octaves
that comes with thought and with actions
with words and with fractions
of emotions so eloquent
we get lost and forget
to remember we no longer know each other