I’ve had this problem
since I was twelve
I never thought
that much of myself
you may not understand
a thing such as this
but life’s hard for a boy
when he thinks he’s got ****

he don’t sleep well at night
he dreads going to school
he stays out of the heat
and stays out of the pool
and it’s hard to find love
when he’s full of self-hate
and he can’t even tell
when he’s lost all that weight

when years later, he’s healthy
his memory sees
when he looks in the mirror
how he used to be
still he counts out the portions
he’s wasting away
though he’s 80 pounds lighter,
he still feels the same

I went down from 240
to 158
but i’m still that fat kid
that’s filled with self-hate
but I deal with it different
than I used to do
now i’m building lean muscle
at 172

I still have the same problem
I’m sick of this ****
when I look in the mirror
I’m still seeing ****
but I guess there’s not really
that much I can do
‘cos that kind of self-image
attaches to you

I lay longingly in the mud,
Wishing you would kick me.
Stab my chest, slit my wrists
Then patch me up so simply.

Set a fire to my scalp.
Tie a noose and choke me out.
So maybe with all that hate.
I could learn to love myself.

Bleach and burn my ugly skin.
Drown me but let me breathe again.
So I can feel all the pain.
Each and every little thing.

All I ever want to be.
Is as important as an enemy.

Hated, berated, beaten, destroyed.
Love is something rarely enjoyed.
But better it is to be someone despised.
Than someone seen by no one's eyes.

If you won't love me, if you won't care.
I'll not fall into despair.
I'll foster hate from you to me.
I'll become your enemy.