should fate dare to take you,
i would storm the heavens,
tear gods from their thrones,
and drown the western seas in their blood.

our love is not gentle.
we fight like tempests,
we bruise with words,
and yet..
i am always the fool who returns,
mouth bloodied, lungs burning,
to kneel at your voice,
and drink down your name as if it were water.

i love you more than the stars adore the sun,
more than the tides adore the pull of the moon.
you are gravity itself to me,
the law by which i rise and fall.

inside me, bone is scripture.
each rib carries your name scorched in gold,
a testament built of marrow and fire.
my heart is not mine
it beats in your image,
a sacred relic,
burning only for you.

every version of me,
through every turning of time,
would choose every version of you.
even the fiercest, most ruined self
would crawl through ash and teeth
to find you waiting.

you are my axis,
my altar.
ruinous beloved, i kneel before you.
let this be my oath,
if the world broke tomorrow,
i would drag its corpse to your feet
and whisper that i am still,
always,
yours.

Between the lychgate and narthex lay
a limbo approaching communion,
where one can linger at the border, sitting in the margin
with enough of a toe hold on tentative worship,
while insulated from the assembled fervour.

And Arthur prayed alone:
conversant with his God,
but wary of the draw of the warmth within
and the risks associated with human contact.

Before my sin caused my suffering -
You built me a church;
Surrounded me with praying sisters
and gave me Your Word.
El Roi - mercy beyond mercy;
The goodness of my God.

Before madness engulfed me
You called me back to Your arms,
taught my heart a new rhythm
and my soul a new song.
El Shaddai - love beyond measure;
the goodness of my God.

Before I walked a step onto a ward,
You recycled my past;
Built with it understanding and hope,
turned darkness to light.
Jehovah Jireh - nothing is wasted with You;
the unfathomable goodness of my God.

For every pain - a comfort O Father.
For every joy - all thanks to Adonai.
I will follow You praising every day Jehovah Raah.
My every breath is for you Yahweh.

I part my lips to speak to find my mouth a desert place.
My parched palette, rough upon my tongue;
numb - struck dumb
by a depth and breadth beyond words.

But You, O Lord
You know my every thought.
You hear the hurt beat out at my heart.
You feel all I feel, but deeper still.

My God, who holds a jar of my tears;
a myriad of moments,
yet You can match dop for drop,
whilst keeping the whole world turning in the palm of your hand.

On my knees I come;
willing myself to be still.
I need only be still.
Still You hear my soul speak.

my heart fell from my ribs
and the heavy, dense-packed air,
and into you,
my holy water;
you held me up.
when i couldn’t even lift myself.
please, my love, please
baptise me in your everything.
bind me to a world of sacred religion
where prayer is peace
and you are the god.
…i’ll worship you like water.

One after another hellbound lash,
Slashing skin with imprecated ash.
A whistling scourge of cleansed sin,
A passing veil of the harridan’s grin.

It cracks a hymn of fleshly anguish,
Enough to force the gods to languish.
Yet soothes and heals the wretched soul,
As a blaring rumble of a belfry’s toll.

The sinner thrives in ****** perdition,
His body aches with god's attrition.
Transfiguring so infernally demonic,
Emerging as a deity facinorous and chthonic.

He is ablaze in unimaginable fires,
Burning in the depths of frozen pyres.
Embedded in ice he shall live for eternity,
Drinking his torture and torment so fervently.

Shackled by chains of Tartarean depths,
Fetters of sins and of hellfire’s deaths.
In which he serves his mistress of sin,
As anathema is blazed upon his cursed skin.

When you lift your soul,
sometimes you may need
to lift with your legs.

Place both feet
at the base of the cross,
and brace yourself -
engage your core
and with all your waning strength
with all of your weary mind,
with every ounce
of your weighed down heart -
grip with both hands,
raise your chin,
fix both eyes on him,
and LIFT with your legs.