I am telling you things
I would never dare
tell my own family

I would worry
that they would worry
about me

But I need to share
my feelings
I need to write

So I write to you
I trust you
to keep my secrets

Today's worries,
Now three days old,
Will be addressed
Tomorrow.

Stop dropping off fledglings
like I can just ignore
something that is not yet grown
and expected to start functioning
alone!

Last year,
you cocky redbreasts thought
that three could bob happily
in the construction site
and thankfully I found no bodies
or feather puffs

This year,
that cheeky blackbird
who happily stalks the lawn
(though moss pile is more accurate)
has dropped bright and happy chicks
in the pell-mell mix of my
****** horticulture

And don’t get me started on the pigeons!

The cats round here,
like everywhere
are at best loveable rogues
with claws on fingers
and toes that like to ****
for spits and giggles

In these times
I turn to nature to save me
but you crank my anxiety
like the ***** grinder’s
forbidden monkey

Gimme a break, please?

Hey darling

Look at me

It's all okay

Don't be afraid

I've got this

I can do this

You can do this

Together we can do this

I've got you

You've got me

God has us both

Let's keep going

Don't give up

Hey, come on

Mid-day light shoulders it's way through my bedroom window
And I find spring like a letter from an old friend
She's changed, she's traveled, you should hear the things she's seen
I try my best to talk about her, the flowers she's grown and the skin she's kissed
I worry if she asks about me I won't have anything to say
I didn't mean to stay stagnant for so long, it's just I worry about falling too in love with life
I've always lost everything I've loved too much

I sit inside
Out my window is the moon
The presence that draws me from my most concious worries
Health, safety, fertility, image, curiousity
Why am I the way I am?
It is my experiences that make who I am, logically I know
For there to be a genuine magic, somewhere, I wish
I have a strange glimmer of hope, to bring that sparkle and magic closer to me
To revel in something greater than myself, my existence, my geographic location
Just once
I wait
And I worry
And I worry and wait
I don't think she would be proud of this, the moon,
I think she communicates with me, when I need it, when I believe it
I used to talk to spirits through my window as a child
I believed it was real, simply because I believed
There wasn't any crystal clear truth, I simply felt it
The moon brings me through the same window now
Her craters, and dips, her waning and waxing
How I have so many desires to be with her, so far away
Some nights I try to rise above all of these emotions, but my worries bring me back to Earth
A virus right now is spreading, killing many it encounters
If I believed in the power of God as strongly as I want to, maybe I'd feel some comfort or safety.
I'm open to anything, let that be known
I used to worry about my appearance so much, but I know see my actions will speak louder than my beauty
I am a lover, deep down, I crave it, I've let love absolutely destroy me, I've banked on it, I've thought about it, I've needed it, I've had it, I've lost it, let it go, destroyed it
And I've waited for it
Now, these relationships have a hazy linen over them, I can retrieve them with pictures and heavy introspection, but some part of me doesn't enjoy going back
How do I move forward each day with the thoughts of yesterday with me
And how do I do so without the thoughts of yesterday
I try not to be greedy, I try to give, I try to do what is right, and if I do what is wrong, I learn.
There aren't many mistakes I can make with my existence, I'm curious every day
I love someone around me every day
Romantically, I wish I was allowed to be close to those I want
But for now staying home is what is recommended, what's best
I miss going out, I miss getting tipsy at bars, I miss my skinny girl friends, I miss my best friends Angell and Grace, I miss driving to my dietitian and having two hours alone in my car every week...every other week
I miss seeing my therapist and my favorite teachers, I miss having reasons to create, I miss nannying, my job, and art museums in the city
I miss visiting E+an and his house in the city, I miss not being isolated
And the moon, she reminds me that all of those things aren't so far from me, because somehow she is, and yet she is right outside my bedroom window.
She is covered by clouds, and the dark midnight sky, but she is there, and she speaks a perspective I desperately seek, and I am grateful. And I do not live in fear.

I'm goin' downtown
         To see what's goin' around

Nothing but a bunch of empty space
             because reality is hittin' people in da' face.

      No style, no talk.
      Just a walk,

around the block,

I shouldn't even be out.
       But there is no sound

                   in my cell:

Isolation;
Decrease in education.

No way out, it still gonna spread.
Watch out, before people stay away
from you like you already dead.

I'm goin' to my ghostown,
Watching people from above
Having a common stare-down
They aren't the only ones to know.

All of this:
is The Pits.

No way out,
stuck here...no doubt.