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i haven’t had therapy in weeks.
he’s been on holiday,
i’ve been working.
too much.

the days stack up like
empty dishes by the sink.
sometimes it’s so bad,
i have to dig my nails
into my own skin
to stop myself
from walking away.

but then i think of you —
how you are the only thing
that gets me through the day.
i could not turn my back.
your name is the rope
i wrap around my wrist,
and stay.
this one is about having that one person at work who always comes through for you, no matter what the day looks like.
August 13, 2025
There are ways and then there are ways--
yours put foreign powers on DefCon 5
out of pure jealousy.

Night shift at the factory is enough to melt skulls,
reverse the flow of hearts, turn bones to industrial byproduct
out of sheer boredom.
I loved you wearing jeans and safety goggles,
better than gown and pearls any day.

We took a picnic lunch to the city park,
and set our eyes to floating on the gray waters of the
flammable, compromised river that cuts through it.
"This is fun," we lied,
and fed bread to a one-eyed pigeon
who kept missing with his first peck.

The customs agents had stopped me the time before;
they searched my emphysemic, cookie-cutter *******
right down to the wheel wells.
Holding up my rubber boots, one of them asked,
"Do you work at the plant?"
Well, what do you think, *******? What do you think?
So you got even with them for me the next time--
you, fluent in Russian, Romanian and doubletalk
pretended not to understand the agent's fractured schoolroom parlance,
and mumbled until he let you through just to be rid of you.

How crazy that you should be Catholic--
I've never seen a craftier shoplifter.
Each time the grid went down, I kissed you for your pilfered candles,
your flashlight, your ****** little radio that kept us informed
as I buried my face in your sweetness like an irradiant.

There are ways and then there are ways,
and yours are the finest ever to grace my ******* box apartment
that I had to be on a waiting list for years, to get.
Everything is always in short supply--
once, you backed me through a rope of yellow hazard tape
and right into a defective forklift
with a kiss, on work time.
My shoe soles picked up God knows what from the filthy floor,
but my heart was happy
as the assembly lines rattled behind us.

There is plenty everywhere that can poison a person,
or sow cancer seeds that will explode later on.
We gave that year of our lives to the production of jugs of kitchen cleanser,
since banned.
Everyone who worked there had red hands and brittle nails,
despite the gloves, despite the icons some of us prayed to.
Oh well.
I was happy,
and even though you left just as it all seemed so good,
that year was pure, flawless, redeeming even,
like love can be sometimes,
and as your ways definitely were, and still are,
in some other woman's bed
in another town,
where you mumble into her ear in Romanian
and she holds you closer
for all the good such motions ever do.
The part about the multi-lingual lover messing with the border guard, as well as the inspection of my car, are true.
I've been doing some integrating                                                      ­         of  the parts I've lost contemplating                                             if  I  was  really worth saving                                                           ­                after  years of you being so debasing                                                         ­   I  had to fall before I could ascend                                                           ­      Had to disconnect to stop the pretense                                                 Endured  your painful smear campaigns                                                        ­ you  didn't have the sense to feel ashamed                                      Called  you out when you knew you lied                                             maintained  class when you rolled your eyes                                             I  never let you see you hurt me deeply                                               walked  away when you threw dirt at me                                                   You  act like you're surprised I'd leave                                               For  once I'm rejecting you and embracing me
i’m sick to death
of crying my eyes out,
pretending i’m happy.

i’m sick of the monotone
cycle of work—
made worse
from never resting,

from working
on holiday,
in another country,
when i should’ve been free.

i’m becoming no one.

i wanted to give you
enough time
to replace me – good luck,
but somehow
i underestimated
how much i had left
in my emotional tank.

three and a half years
was the greatest opportunity.
finally belonging
to a family that cared.

let that mean something.
right?
all due respect.
this one is my resignation letter from january, 2020. more or less.
i hate being a burden.

my friend brings
food to my home.
he worries about me,
waits for me to swallow
like proof i’m still here,
even though i'm so lost,
so alone.

i can feel myself
splitting at the seams,
turning into
something i’m not.
something i fear.

i hate being a burden.

but i don’t know
how to be anything else.
this one is about the quiet collapse that comes when work swallows you whole.
August 5, 2025
It's rotten work
It is for me
If it's me

It's rotten work
To get up in the morning
To keep breathing

It's rotten work
To make coffee
And drink water

It's rotten work
To eat when I'm not hungry
And get dressed every day

It's rotten work
It is to me
If it's me

It's rotten work
To go to work
To pay my bills

It's rotten work
To fake normalcy
And mask whatever the hell this is

It's rotten work
To not just sleep
Sleep and sleep and sleep

It's rotten work
It is for me
If it's me

It's rotten work
To drive each day
And not off the highway

It's rotten work
To be alive
And keep caring for myself–or trying to

It's rotten work
Because all I want to do
Is not talk, not eat, not drink

Just...sleep.
I'm getting bad again. Maybe I haven't been okay in a long time, I've just been hiding it. Either way, I am here again and I guess I forgot that it's rotten work to keep on living when all I want to do is sleep.
Spicy Digits Aug 4
Let me feed you, they say
When they really want to sell
My teeth are barcodes
My bones are meals

Let me heal you, they say
Then they take yet more
Though Im not slowing down
(You can't when you're poor)

Let me show you self, they say
And pawn their own breath away
Enlightened in pure white light
Blue eyes of divine right

Let me educate you, they say
From the vacant room never left
Of fathers' touches never kept
And dog-eared pages of contempt

Let me, let me, let me
As if I am able to escape
Push me, push me, push me
As if its only my hand that shakes
Violently, violently, violently
In a regime ripe to break
The last Poet Jul 30
I am

I am so afraid that
My life feels stuck

The same routine
The same habits

Wake up
Go to work
Home
Sleep
Repeat

I find myself living
for the weekend
Ignoring the time between
Wishing away my days

It's hard to escape
This grind society
has plagued us with

We have to work to live
But there's hardly any
Life to live after work

Wake up
Go to work
Home
Sleep
Repeat

I am

I am stuck in this
Endless loop of time
Slipping away

wishing away my days

Living for the weekend.
How do I end this loop?
Steve Page Jul 28
It's about balance -
about choice.
It's about consideration, honest
exploration of options
(and having courage enough
to risk infractions).

It's about precision,
about tenacity -
the capacity for patience
and acceptance of perhaps
having to start afresh.
Work Life Balance has always been beyond my reach.
Al Quqoniy Jul 28
When my co-author is far away,
I don't know why,
I fall astray.
You should decry
Procrastination's deceit,
Which I try
But cannot defeat!
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