Stop
Rewind
Pause
There
This is it
The moment you realize that you will never be this close to her again
It is finals and you have not finished part of your exam
But you leave it that way because she is in the seat in front of you again and there are only ten minutes left of this time
She lays her head on her hand and rests her eyes
You look at her for a long time
This time is no longer valuable because of your exam
You stare at her short curls, growing out the haircut she had when she was yours
Was she ever really yours?
Rewind
Stop
Play
You never kissed but you almost did
Twice
And you always liked her
before she grew her hair out and before everyone else realized how gorgeous she was
But you always knew. Didn’t you?
After the two almost kisses she pushed you out of her life
And she got new friends who she never almost kisses
But you still think about her
And you don’t catch her looking at you across the hallway lately
You hear that she is transferring to some fancy school next year from someone that isn’t her
And you are so sad
There’s no good reason for you to be sad
You don’t talk anymore
And the only time you see her is the one class period you have together
And you talk to her before class once or twice
She’s reading the picture of Dorian gray
And then Frankenstein
And you talk like acquaintances
When you were once an inseparable pair
Fast forward
Stop
Play
You realize now that you have not thought about saying goodbye
Your not prepared
The proctor announces that there are only five minutes left in the exam but your eyes are glued to her
She checks over her answers and chews on the end of her BIC ballpoint pen
You notice that she’s wearing the ring you bought her back when you and her were an us on her left ******* and you picture it on the one right next to it
You imagine tapping her on the shoulder and pulling her in for a kiss, and kissing her in front of your class and the world and the baby Jesus statue in the front of the room
But you don’t
Neither of you are brave people
This cannot be the end of this
But it is.
So you watch her scan over her answers and faintly you hear the bell ring to signal the end of the exam
As you get up to leave, feeling like your getting your teeth pulled on laughing gas
She taps you on the shoulder,
And asks you how you did on the exam
What, you say, because is this what you’re really going to ask me?
The exam, she says, I think I did pretty ******
This is her best subject, this makes no sense
She looks you in the eye
But you, you did alright
Her new friends walk up then, whisking her off to someplace without you
But she looks back for once
And you know now that she needed an ending too.
