I wanted to be so **** beautiful
I wanted nature to fall to my feet
I wanted the mountains to bow
I wanted the trees to weep for the love of me

I wanted to charm the dumbest of boys
I wanted to tempt the strongest of men
I wanted to break thousands of hearts
I wanted them to wake screaming my name

I wanted to be everyone's wildest daydream
I'd play my game without a fault
I'd fulfill my role to perfection: be it
Angel or *****, beggar or queen,
I'd be whatever they needed me to be
And when they relied on me the most
I would leave without a trace, without remorse

Because then, I would never be the one to wait,
The one to cry to sleep each day, I'd
Never be rejected, but keep them staring
At the blankness I'd leave behind me

(As a sidetone:
There are fantasies I'd never dare project into words
Thoughts I've buried deep within my soul,
But, believe me,
This might be the most honest poem I ever wrote).

I'm whirling, whirling

around my heart, there's a gate --


it's the gate to love.

I saw 'Les amants'

and then I walked home, longing --


to love as they did.

indulgence and bliss
two sides of the same coin and a wish
once listless
now released—
she hums.

I always throw these really cool birthday parties
And I always invite a bunch of people
From Near and far
And have always made loads of effort into making it perfect;
The right venue, the correct menu,
For all the people old and new-
In whatever childish attempt to make myself feel like I am loved
To help myself to feel that I am loved,
But I can not recall the last time I had a birthday
Where I didn't wish that I wasn't born.

-fir.m

Life is beautiful,

that's why people are longing --


for La Merica.

The piercing sound of
your silence pains me

I wish to hear you speak
for as long as I live

Beyond the ideas

of we and they is a field --


where I wait for you.