I could've just laid down if
I wanted to

ignoring the bells that echoes
inside my head

Let the earth swallow me
among withered leaves that decay
beside me

Let the world dry out
as if all lamented things
belong to me

I could act as if
my heart is an icy winter water,
never to beat, never to warm at all

Granite skies would drift above me,
haunting me in my night and
summer days

But in the thunder that frightens me
A swift lightning would pass me by,
a crack of gold in my darkest night

The flood crashing through doors,
through all the breathe that I've lost
I would learn to hold every air that I touch

All the celestial mass throbbing in my chest
The distant rumble of supernovas
that tears me apart,
and black sunshine that shines on my face

Even if midnight splatters beneath my eyes,
with all the stars that glimmer
that badly wants to fall

Even if half of my shadow is blown to nether
I would suffer everyday, and in my pain
I knew I could feel

I would die everyday, with all lamented things
and in all my deaths

I have learned to live

Nature has no master
But neither does she
Perhaps it is a futile endeavor which men have attempted for centuries to no avail,

To gather her water
To fight against a stone fence as it returns to the earth
Or keep drought from ravaging crops

Can she be had?
To tame her would be a self ruining task
As destructive to the settled as the settlor

Can nature be courted?
Gifted crowns of daisies and garlands of lilac
From her own bounty springs forth more and more
What is there to give to a source of such abundance

But her winter is ruthless!
Taking the young from the flock
Sweetness cannot exist without the bite
That dull void she harbors within

And when summer comes,
She leaves sweat trailed amongst the harvest
With golden wheat stalks strewn about

To tame the wheel of seasons would be futile
Those who came before were swept along clinging to her spokes

So, does she appreciate hesitation?
The willingness to relinquish control
The embracing of uncertainty

Or will she carry on
in her infinite self-assured
forward momentum
Awaiting the next

Twisting, turning.
Frazzled twirling.
Snowflakes glistening.
Snowmen sitting.
Snowballs rolled, ready for fire.
Hot cocoa cups filled ready for hire.

Kids who've been touched by the snowflakes,
Twisting, turning.
And frazzled twirling.

I've been finding myself more
in the arms of uncertainty and nostalgia lately.
Its warmth cascades down my back
like hair made of gold and silk,
draping its familiarity over me
in the form of weary exhaustion.

And yet, when I get too close,
it holds me painfully tighter;
or pushes me away.
Forcing me to feel the dreary shiver
of winter all over again.

Perhaps this affinity surmised
was nothing more
than a suffocating disguise;
its hands holding mine
as if they were akin
to the bequeathed stars above.

I intend to abandon its presence,
as it did to mine;
but then I find it knocking
on my door once more.
And what else shall I do,
than let it in?