Being Kind

Being Assertive

Being Harsh

There are fine lines

When you're kind, you get used- abused

When you're assertive
You're an *******

When you're harsh
It pushes others away

But no matter what you are...
No one ever wants you in their lives
So now what?

أرى بوضوح
أشلاء قصائدي
رماد وجهي
و بقايا كوبي الخزفي الأزرق
على أرض غرفة تجمعني بك

ترى بوضوح
أطراف أصابعك ملويّة
ندمك في زبدية مع الحليب
أقلام الرصاص المكسورة
على أرض غرفة تجمعك بي

لكنّنا لا زلنا نُصرّ على دخولها

Isnt it strange to expect
that someone would understand
looking at you for a second
the sting  in ur eyes
or the glee in ur smile
But there's nothing to assert on this aspect
Its all about just being too weird to interpret.

I'm trying to learn that it's alright for people to find me
strange.

So often I am met with remarks of:

"I wish I could be as confident as you."
"I can't believe you're not scared to wear that."
"You didn't really say that to him...right?"

I don't feel confident.
I am scared.
I did say it.

I've regretted it since.

Oddities are a novelty until they surpass an acceptable monthly quota.

However,

I've found that habitual marijuana usage and
pretty white lines
can be a valid excuse for
strange behavior.

Each joint shared
Each liquor bottle opened
Increases the monthly quota by one.

You're allowed to be:

"Off."
"Eccentric."
"Weird."

If you're a substance abuser.

It's actually
expected
at times.

If I act too normal, I'll get
comments,
such as:

"Wow, I forgot you do drugs."
"Do you not need your meds anymore?"
"Have you thought your mania is just from all the ***?"

I didn't forget.
I do need them. I often don't take them.
And, sometimes.

But then I'll soberly proclaim to be the next Van Gogh and that my **** are nicer than
Mia Khalifa's.

(They're not.)

Regardless,
you can write off absurd behavior
if it occurs while
intoxicated.

I learned that younger
than I
should've.

It's harder to refute the confused glances
whispered jokes
when your head is
clear
but your
heart
is foggy.

"Let us know if [  ] scares you in the group chat;
you'll get used to her eventually."

"I hope we don't have to have this conversation again."

"She's hot, but she's kind of
crazy."

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.