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Kelly Jan 2020
I think I can take it
I've been training
So I'm prepared
And here I am like I don't care

First position

I'm in the wrong
I'm in the right
I'm in the middle, I put up a fight
I start to panic
The mind of my kind serves as a magnet
Fixated on a symptom vs habit
They can all have at it
I'll be back at it, soon enough
I act all big like no big deal
But then I remember this is really real

First position

I start to forget who I am
I start to forget who I've been
I've become obsessed
When I can't let go
When I can't put matters to rest
Then there comes a time when you don't want to be saved
Setting yourself up to dig your own grave

First position

I think I can take it
I think I could fake it
to prove how strong I really am
But I'm backed right back into the corner
Manifesting into disorder
It's catching up with me

First position

I think I can take it
If i can manage to face it
But I try to stop it
I try to block it out

First position

I looked outside in the wintertime
When I noticed the trees
They look so frail
without their leaves
Kind of like me
When I just want to feel better
Like when randomly warm weather
airs out a cold day in December

They keep me sheltered
They weigh me down so thin
As if I've only got months, weeks to live
As if I'm that fragile
Like it's that much of a battle
Maybe that's why I'm miserable; panic-stricken
So while I wait for myself to thicken
First position
(C) 2018 Kelly Mcaulley
Clay Face Jan 2020
Feeling emphatic about it, not nearly ecstatic about it, sick of the static about it.
My disposition about it.
Impotent and unfit around it.
I’ve yet to be deflowered, and bound around it.

Love doesn’t escape me, I’ve never found it.
Terrified of the hunt and to bound round it.
Sickening feeling of being desperately unfit,
Or fooling out words ill, dealing a faulty hit.
Abandons me balled and crippled deep a pit.

So below all the others that’ve found it.
I weep like a widow, from the fear I’ve of it.
Being behind and unable to climb out the pit.
Unable to recover, and set it a lit.

I drool over girls, and daydream about it.
Not *******, just connection, not a ***.
Overthink and cherish common chat spoke bit.
Cause contact very scarce with the opposite.

Used to be able to ignore the itch till it quit.
Now it won’t seek absence, I can’t scratch it.
Not without a better half to help quench it.
I’ve been quarantined from it.
Around friends but so alone I must hold it.

Not one to share my depths to within it.
Not one to grasp or be grasped around it.
I can’t escape shriveling inside while I sit.
Thin drive, all dried up, apathy uproots it.

The bean’s growth makes me need it.
Need stalked so high, I’m in orbit.
No idea how to approach it.
I’ve known no one deeply or because of it.
Been alone for 18 years, I see no end of it.

So examine me an alien, as I continue to float farther away from first contact, with no research or knowledge to communicate with the opposite.
Dechen Wangmo Jan 2020
I want to go to the places,
see sunrise and sunsets,
everything calm and orange,
only to those, I want to go to.
it's the basic, but I see awry of it.
in the name of self-discovery or exposure,
but I failed to get what I need,
lost myself into the lights, trains, and shopping,
yet my heart, it says only one thing, home.
where I was born, where I want to stay and where I should be.
but if an opportunity opens I will be here, on the train,
doing conventional things.
forgetting my only need.

so punch me for dreaming,
ignoring my will to pursue my need,
because I am too scared of so many unknowns.
and I will be here on the trains that I hate to take,
living the life I want to change.
leaning towards comfy, convenient and slowly towards strangling my need.
becoming cold and distant.
Rebeca Dec 2019
Sometimes I feel weak,
Breakable just like a twig...

I feel vulnerable and small,
Just like a broken baby doll.
Nolan Patterson Dec 2019
Why am I not a royal
I work and try and stay loyal
Yet here I'm discarded
By the Kings and Queens
I can't even be a Jack or Ace

I'm nothing but entertainment
For those who think they are above
But what if the Joker
Was higher than them all

A combination of all minds
With strengths filled by others
Some call it a leech
Others see it as balance

Let me be free of your constraints
Or I will break free
Where the shrapnel lands is not up to me
But if it hurts you I'd be filled with glee

Watch as the your Jesters
Climb above you in laughter
As they begin to rule from above
And let the shame they once felt
Feel you with dread.
This was inspired by the Webtoon, "UNordiary," by uruchan.
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