I know I'm not worried I'm just upset
Because he doesn't think of me
Because we dated for nearly a year
We were part of each other's lives and now there is a hole
It's fine and I'm over it but it is still there and I acknowledge it,
Accept it,
When he can so easily forget it is there
Not missing him exactly
I'm more jealous of his ability to not miss me
I'm not that upset
Frustrated would be a better word
Yes I know he is gone and out of my life but he isn't just gone
I acknowledge him
I can't help but wonder what his life looks like without me in it
Apparently it looks like Ireland

i am SICK of myself for trusting you over and over
and over
and over
and over
and OVER AGAIN
i am SICK of all the lies i believed
i am SICK of the time wasted on you
i am SICK of wanting you
i am SICK of thinking and thinking and thinking
of what i could've done better
of what i messed up on
of what i did wrong
so can you PLEASE tell me
because i am just so sick of this

His cold hands grip me, I can smell his rancid breath, he smiles at me and says ‘welcome to death’

My eyes start to close, my mind goes all foggy or is it my eyes that are foggy and my mind closing?

The last pill still on my tongue, my head too heavy to lift and swallow.

His cold hands grip me, I can smell
his rancid breath, he smiles at me and says ‘this is your last test’

I stumble down from my bed, did I just hit my head? I’m floating above I can see all the mess. I can’t go now I am yet to confess.

One step at a time, a little shuffle forward, I reach for my throat and eject the poison his cold grip lets go, his rancid breath fading....

i do not know what is more tragic
waiting for you
in this pouring rain
or knowing that
you will never
come

That tender touch
I yearn for that
That special connection
I pray for that
but
Every time I seem to fall flat
Everything happens for a reason, yes I know
but
I'm just tired of receiving the word no
There is so much love to give in my heart
but
There is always a "but"

whenever i go online shopping,
no matter if it's
high end, low end, or in between,
i would always sort the items
from low to high.
not only because it's a safe way to shop
and that it makes me look like
i take budgeting seriously,
but that's the only thing i can afford.

talk about me,
a high middle class kid that tries
DESPERATELY
to not spend so much on
the things he wants
rather than the things he needs
while still unemployed
and in college
as well as getting many allowances from his parents.
you are COMPLETELY allowed to say
that i am spoiled,
i understand and am aware of that.

as i scroll down and observe
the price tags slowly rising up,
$10, $15, $29.99, $49.99, $79.99,
until it hits $3,000,
i not only thought,
"how do you think that
it was a good idea to make that
simple, plain jacket
in such a high price?"
but i also had to admit that
i really did wanted that jacket
since i thought it looked cute.

the problem with that is:
most of the stuff i wish i have
in my wardrobe,
they would all usually be so expensive,
especially since most of the stuff
i want to have is from
high end streetwear brands.

i would see almost every celebrity
wear my future wardrobe,
all looking so confident,
trendy,
iconic,
stylish.

oh, how i wish to be like them, sometimes.
how i wish to be rich.
how i wish to not worry about saving money.
how i wish to just show off iconic outfits
from amazing high end brands.
how i wish to have what i always wanted.

i know i should be content
with what i have.
i mean there always will be
other solutions to wear something
inspired by designer clothes
i've dreamed to have.

but ****, would i look good in that
$3,000 jacket.