Look at her, still braving the tides
through hell and high water,
you won't hear her sighs
And though she is lonely,
she smiles as though the happiest,
of maidens and friends,
a façade; an ode to all the compliments

Days and nights, she hopes and longs
for a love deep enough to wander and hold
She tries, and tries, to see light in every encounter
How melancholic, she laughs without laughter

She makes it seem as though she is strong
but inside, she knows, it's a deep fall
To trust-  shatter, her heart amends
How lonely it is to long for something that bends

Look at her braving the tides,
her eyes that shine like the moonlight divine
A constellation of stars hidden in her mind
And though she seems to be standing still
Her heart, oh her heart, is breaking till.

We walked out into the quiet night,
Down the streets we knew
Following the dim streetlights
Seeing the shadows cast that grew.
Turning corners to a darkened place
Turn back, as your heart begins to race?
No, we have to walk straight through.

We walked onto a road of dirt,
Where the trees hung at each side
Feeling the trail beneath our feet
The ground worked from each car that had passed by.
It was calm, only nature making noise
Only thoughts to keep us company
Where nothing need be said
We walked without society talking in our heads.

We walked to the edge of the earth that night,
Looking out into the outer space
How small we seemed to it all
A couple people lost in hate and waste.
But if we could change something,
As small as the world made it seem,
To someone it may mean everything

If you're kind of just like
Everyonelse

How will you find yourself
when you get lost?

I’ve been running away
Painting burning wood
With colours I’ve never seen
Hoping that when you’ll find them
It’ll be in a dream

I’ve been looking around
Trying to find a couple stars
To take home to the skies
But the ones on the ground
They never glow, they just wear a smile
And give you hope

I’ve been dreaming of hope
Somewhere in the walls of history
Where bricks never crumble
Because they’re made to be
Holding on for someone that’s lost at sea

I’ve been searching everyday
For the map inside your bones
To guide me through your bloodstream
And bring me to your home
The place you like to wander to
When you’re out of the zone

Wherever that is, take me there
I bet the colours are a wonder
Because inside your mind
I’ve found a life, a place to run to
A place to hide,
And inside your heart
I’ll leave my dreams hoping that when the
Walls come down
You’ll keep holding on
And I’ll be found

It is true that not all who wander are lost
But it is also true that
Not all who are lost want to be found

Or maybe I’m I just don’t think I deserve to be found
I feel to lost to be found
I am too far away from who you think I am
That if you knew
I would be a stranger to you

Wanderlust is such a romanticized term. It has such a beautiful air of brilliance. A word associated with travel and experiencing the best of life. What they don't tell you is the heavy side. The side where you can travel the whole world and still feel nothing. The part that feels aimless and empty. The dizzying feeling of dread that nothing will ever be good enough. If I can't find joy eating cacio e pepe in the heart of Rome, or exploring castles in Scotland, will I ever find joy? It makes you wonder why we wander when nothing seems to fill that hollowness in your heart. Not people, places, food, or things - nothing. Not only am I wandering the world but my soul also wanders for a place to rest, a place to call home. Nothing seems to fit. Nothing seems to feel right. Why am I cursed to wander when to most it is a blessing?



-t.s.