Maybe if I had looked for you,
Thought this through,
You´d have come by,
I´d have caught your eye,
You´d come around-
Finally we´d be bound:
A heap of cold bones,
You´d find headstones,
My flesh so long rotten,
Just like always forgotten.

I know what we have isn't gone

Because if it was

It would have stopped hurting

I will always wait for you.
I will be sitting on the off-white wooden chair in my off-yellow painted room staring at my off-color smartphone screen while I wait for your reply to a message I sent you fifteen minutes ago.


I will always wait for you.
I will still be standing by the table we sit at with all our friends at lunch 
twenty seconds after the bell has rung while you zip up your backpack
then walk with me towards class.


I will always wait for you.
I will be bending over the road, craning my neck to look for the garish yellow bus 
and your silhouette trudging up the hill but if I don’t see you in the next two minutes
slowly meandering down to look for you will be my next job.


I will always wait for you.
I will run over when I see your face all ******, body barely moving
lying on the road, then all of a sudden taken away I’ll completely forget today’s science test and 
run as hard as I can towards the hospital.


I will always wait for you.
I will remember that it has been ten years today and the feel tall grass tickling my ankles as I walk,
bowing their heads in sorrow. I’ll bring you a sunflower, the first one grown at the new house, then
sit beside your weather-worn stone 
and wait.

When the drop is steep
And stomach needs filling
Not wanting to let you down
That feels unavoidable
Chasing affirmations for myself
Want to wake up earlier
Just tend to fall asleep late
Started to notice the flowers more
Maybe because they have blossomed
Doesn’t always feel like that
Winter dragging into spring
Autumn death apart from living
Feeling tired spiralling out of control
Back inside the same confines
You used to spend when you were young
Still very much the same kid
Just with a growing responsibility
Weighing heavy upon my chest
Armour which protects and limits
Trying to break the chains which jangle
Feet dragged walking the city streets
Wanting to say hello rather just rake the leaves
Go about my work in silent peace
Enjoying the solitude of the garden
Tired of not crying would like some tears
Weeping like a child loses its appeal
As you realise what you have to do
Need to take the initiative and start living
Make something of myself

Standing alone- waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.

Waiting till my hair turns gray.
Waiting till my brain begins to decay.
The amount of time I wait is minuscule compared to the time I will spend with her one day.

"You know,
I have forgotten you in the clouds.
But you never know,
I'm still waiting for the rains."

You long to return to a love you’ve never had.
A love that sits and wraps its arms around you—
Like a weighted blanket in the middle of the night.

The kind that seeps into a Sunday,
When the sun hits your shared coffee mugs just right.
The grocery run where his hand grazes yours,
And your heart skips like it’s never been touched that gently before.

The kind that leaves echoes.

You imagine them at the sink,
Brushing their teeth, half-laughing as they talk
Their voice, soft, tired, but loving—
And you smile too, even though no one’s there.

So here you are, chasing echoes—
Echoes that your soul remembers but you do not.
You can only imagine.

And still,
You leave the porch light on.
Just in case.

I refused to let you go
I know that if I did
You'd be gone forever
But you promised
Always and Forever
And I don't want a life
Where promises didn't exist

I'm soaked.
Drenched.
Water logged.

There's wrinkly fingers
and prunely toes-
from a wishing well's
water spilling in my head.

The waterway
pulls me down.
The drain - body blocked,
as a river
meets my ocean.

I'm water logged.
Drenched.
Soaked.

Nothing but water.
Bones of Voss bottles,
blood from Icelandic glaciers,
spring sourced
liquid death.