they tell me that we’re made of stardust,
but i don’t feel like something so glorious.

i feel like the dark side of the moon,
like the space between worlds,
like the howling void,
and the empty cascade of dying suns.

i feel like silence,
like i’m screaming with no one to hear me.

I wanted to leave.
Maybe fly high into space, reach for a star that as of right now seem so distant.

Can I fly without a spaceship? Maybe just drift into the oxygen-less void and let my eyes blur for a sudden death that in all honesty seems so calm, peaceful even.

stars align in
a blanket of
        future snow
dusting time's
plateau with
        a smear of
red paint across
the fallen angel's
        face shedding
tears in the naked
light from the
        hollow of a
mirrored heart
playing shadows
        like a work
of art

it's an expansive
drama of forgotten
         leagues keeping
memories in silence
between the ravines
         of what has and
what has yet. digital
ridges serrate the
         landscape of quiet
burdens borne by the
beings of beastly
         countenance
counting seven in
perpetuity in honor
        of the bell that
tolled so long ago now.

there is a low roar
bellowing from the
         womb of novelty
coming to upset the
balance bristling with
         charged particles
of transmutation and
flashing in a dance of
         lightning from
the void. born from
eternity to create in
         time those wildest
dreams from the
darkness of God's mind.

Bent low cry that reechoes in a fading voice
Grief of loss of a loved one
Like losing them was the end of the world for you
For they meant everything
And now it's the end of the road for you
Flashbacks of how they treated you flood your mind
You touch your shoulder
Remembering that was the spot of their hands
You want to fall into the waters
Drown yourself
So you could die along with them
But forgetting, they had no choice for death
It suddenly happened
And when they watch over you from above
They cry as well
So just move on with the plans you had
Share the love they gave you with those that feel less loved
Make them smile like he/she used to with you
And maybe that will bring peace and rest to their souls

//Do you hear those silent screams
that echo in my mind,
as I sit down under the dim lights crying?
These silent screams have been
in my mind for years now,
but they fall on so many deaf ears.
You tell me you can't hear them
and I cannot cease to wonder
how will you hear them
when they're in my mind
and how will you know
when I keep telling you I'm fine.
But what do I tell you?
These screams have no words.
It's just feelings of sadness and darkness
that come together in herds.
Behind this smiling face,
lies a dark endless road,
bringing about an ounce of chaos,
every second a little more.
How do I explain this feeling
of void and darkness
to someone who hasn't
experienced it once?
How do I smile,
when my happiness trickles away,
just like water in your hands.
How do I tell you that
the pain isn't temporary?
How do I answer these questions
when I have no answers?
All I can do is
cover my mouth shut
to try and hush the
silent screams.//
~Swati

My mind is an endless void.
In the midst of it is an obsidian cliff.
Abstract wisps of thought swirl around that central cliff all the time.

I am drowning.
I am barely hanging on to the cliff, to myself.

The thoughts keep attacking me, not one at a time.
Tidal waves of thoughts are crashing down on me, trying to drag me under.
Away from my sense of self.
Into that endless void.

Into endless void...

Today I was accused to being a bad influence yet again,

Simply because I facilitate the forbidden wants/needs of the people I love,

Simply because I give them a place to get high and vent without being judged,

Simply because I create an aura where they feel free to express themselves in whatever ways they like- modest, humble even ******,

And simply because the ones they love refuse to facilitate their haram (forbidden).

Haram is bad – we all know this

But being human is about passing through all things good and all things bad.

Being a Muslim, most of my choices are haram;

Not properly attired to the laws of my religion,

My speech is not of a young lady with modesty- rather it is defined with sheer profanity,

I rather laugh from my heart even though it’s supposedly a *****’s act,

I refuse to lower my gaze around men; the same men that stole from me

The same men that refused to lower their gaze from me.

I deny myself the potential for love because of the expectation of great dismay

And I drown myself with the 34000 thoughts of what if??!

This poem is becoming a disaster; my thoughts aren’t flowing straight,

I went from bad influence to haram to rebellious to depressing;

What the **** is this **** going on inside my head- it aches with great displeasure.

How do I contain my contradicting self?

Someone help me please, my soul is crying and sobbing for something to fill this void-

The void that is desperately trying to full itself with the acceptance of the people who are hell bent on not accepting me.

Why am I like this? A contradicting ******* disaster

-fir.m