There I was.
Resting.
You remember, don't you?

Me; nuzzled into the crook of your neck,
my hands gripping at your shirt...
you fancied it, you know.

The embrace was warm,
and our heartbeats may have synchronized
in hopes of lulling us to sleep.

You remember all of this,
I'm certain,
but there are some things
you don't.

At approximately five or so minutes
before I buried my swollen, dark, brown eyes
into your chest,
I was choking back tears.

Every time I hugged you,
it dulled my depression just enough
for me to pretend my heart
didn't live like someone was having
a boxing match with both atriums and the aorta;
no, it was a searing pain that dulled
in moments like these,
replaced with a suffocating tension.

I knew as soon as I left you,
I would be shaking,
on the ground in panic
or digging my nails into the utmost layers
of my body;
you didn't know that this moment we shared
was more about me
masking how much pain I regularly endured,
and about using you to soothe my psyche enough
to pretend I was alright.

These puppet string are held by me,
I’d say I’ve lost my grip,
this autopilot hand-fidget has really gone to ****.

I don’t feel the same anymore,
nothing bubbles in my chest,
but who’s to say I cannot feel
if its only feeling is in my head?

Hello, how are you?
I’m doing simple math,
The strings aren’t taut and funny how
every movement is an act.

The doll’s alive, and she does dance
but watch at your discretion,
because if you knew her once before
she isn’t the same person.

How could you end things so easily?
Was the love really ever there ? And
Did you ever really care? My heart
Is broken once again. Not once not twice but thrice .. you left me again. You’re
Verbally abuse and I’ve took this for long
Enough. I have to be done I have to get rid of you emotionally mentally and physically.
You just wanted to be done so bad over a
stupid argument .. shows your true colors
Shows me who you really are .. I deserve better than this.

Cold as ice and cold as sin
a man that lost shouldn't've been
but he played his cards
and he played them right
cause nothing touches a man
cold as ice.

i don't feel like doing this
but
i hope it'll make me feel better
first
i have to say
i really did love you
a lot
i would have done anything for you
but
whatever
second
i really don't think
that you ever felt like i was anything special
and i get that it's annoying
when someone likes you
and you
really
don't like them
but
couldn't you have even tried
to be gentle
third
i know i shouldn't say i hate you
because
you're not a bad person
but
you
really
really
hurt me
fourth
i know you won't read this
but i hope someday you'll know
that you ******* tore me apart

Every time I think of you
I imagine myself transported
to this notion we had of ourselves
together in the woods,
but somehow alone,
and I'd kiss your lips every morning
but it'd be bittersweet,
and I loved bitter so much at the time
that I'd melt anyway
and somehow in the woods,
in this tiny cabin,
you'd be able to hide from all your sins
and maybe you could protect me
from the bears
from the harsh weather
and from you.