Sometimes I sit back
on my bed with an RHCP track
playing blocking out the world
then the voices kick in
"Why aren't you looking for someone?"
"Do you want to be alone forever or do you think that's a wise endeavor?"
I respond back that my confidence is gone out behind the shack stabbed in the back with a macabre machete the size of a horses ***.
that every time I get comfortable with someone now I flinch, waiting for my heart to get stomped out or chipped away
that's why I said for the time being alone I'll stay.

My head and my heart seem out of sync I think it's clear that I'm trying to focus on myself and trying to accumulate both mental and financial wealth and improving my physical health but my heart sees none of this it just wants to be cuddled and mollified and it's mortifying to me to fight this internal war constantly because I want to be free from my feelings and my past because every time I say they're gone they keep roaring back

Longing for someone to touch my soul.
Bring the light into the darkness.
Fix the heart thats now parted.
Tears that fall endlessly because of feeling unwanted.
The emptiness that fills my stomach like im just now meeting you. Wanting to speak up , but i feel you dont want me to.
Daily I speak to my mind saying youre going to come back .
But how its looking now , i feel theres no turning back.
Why just why did you have to hurt me ? Through all the situations and problems , i was the eye to your soul.
When people did you wrong , i build up with anger.
When all along , your killing my mind.
Mentally confused , mind so abused. Words that fill my head , & thoughts i have of you.
Memories that haunt me , that i want to leave.
Soul desire for your longing touch. Was in for so long , just wonder if it was love.
Feining for your presence , im blinded by lust.
Problems built up to today thats causing me not to trust.
That deep, drowned ,feeling of my heart sinking whenever i hear your name.
I push myself so far , mentally and physically everyday.
The echoes of your mind repeats through my heart.
The words you said to me , when we were first droven apart.
I cry and i cry but i laugh after a while.
Trying to hide over my heart , that i dont plan to use for a while.

sorry I haven't written lately I haven't been my best
quite frankly I've got a lot on my chest
so allow me to air all of this out
I hate bottling up my problems and lashing out.

My laptops broken, and it's an expensive Fix
that doesn't sound like much but a lot of my creative works, poems stories and other things are trapped on it

My mom quit her job so now she's jobless,
she worked for attorneys she liked once but her co-workers gossiped and prodded into her life more than snitch in a mafia outfit

My sister and I haven't been speaking lately all because I made a simple mistake involving a baked pastry, I said I was sorry but she won't accept it
so until she's out of her petty thinking mindset all communications I'm rejecting

along with all this I haven't had much inspiration to run with I've been dry for awhile using throwaway concepts that really don't fit my style so I took a collaboration kick and then a break for awhile

My cosmic girl has writers block?
Oh me oh my that's quite a shock
Your thoughts are muddy like a swamp
Or fast and fleeting like a college romp
Thoughts are jumbled ohhh what a mess.
My mind is blank and heavy is my chest.
What to write i just don't know.
My heart is hurting and so is my soul.
Hmm...
Well what to do we can't have that
Shall we write together to get the spark
Back into your head because your writings are amazing
You muse on any topic wonderfully milady
Thats the problem I think i got,
I cant pick a topic to fill the spot.
All thought seem to fly on by.
Leaving me aggrieved and ready to cry.
I think we both just need to vent,
Because we both seem emotionally spent
My mom quit her job and I'm horribly sad
I never think I'm good enough for anyone to be glad
I'm trying to hold it together but I'm falling apart
Now tell me madam, what's been burdening your heart
Ohhh this and that and everything,
A breaking heart unwilling to sing.
My family is dying one after another.
I hold em together...everyone's mother.
I am the strength and I stand alone.
I am just so cold right down to the bone.
No rest for the wicked they say.
Well neither for those who keep it at bay.
This release therapy has benefited us both
I'll play the role of an anchor to hold you steady and close
Well that's all the time we may have I suppose
Thank you very much for being here for me Natasha M L the rose :)
Anytime I am needed I will be near,
and I am truly glad I got you here.
Thanks for listening I needed to vent.
Now I feel less flustered with time well spent.

With eyes of evergreen
And freckles of galaxies
You ******* undone
With heart of purity
You take my insecurities
And make me want to love
It was you who captured me
And gave me sympathy
You saved me from myself
You say you will never leave
And I promise the same of me
You rid me of my little hell

-Successfully Broken

I wish for your glorious garden to wither,
your tree to shudder and  fall in the forest.
Your stars to hang limp upon the heavens,
and your moon to turn to a sulphurous pond!

I wish for your humour to sour in your mouth!
And your thoughts to dwell in incoherent confusion,
your keen logic to become a pile of rubble,
and for happiness to elude you constantly.

I want to get out
if I get woken up by the screams of my mother,
drunk or hungover
one more time,
I'm going to lose my ******* mind!
It's the same thing at 3 A.M, and in the morning
I've got some real ****** friends
She stopped talking to me over the summer
and they all let me fall into feeling worthless
Now they're back in my life, and I could not care less about them
My friends, they're real winners!
They'll **** the love and energy right out of me,
make me feel horrible any time I say what I feel
Like I don't matter? Like I shouldn't be there at all!?
I used to be left behind, but now I drive everyone around.
I had some time to think about how my family could go broke,
but here we are, driving a bunch of ungrateful kids around,
and for what in return?! I get their company?
Ha. Like that's worth anything.
I'm just so tired of this town.
Full of people who will break you,
There's really only one person worth staying here for.
Nope, it's not my best friend.
I'm just so tired of false security.
I want to get out
and
rebuild myself
Oh but I'm much too young,
much too tired from the chaos