People ask me how I'm doing I say I'm doing fine
but I might lose my mind when the truth is I don't really know if I am anymore
if they saw how at night I want to cry I want to scream
if they knew what happens inside my mind past dark
but they say that I'm doing good people say they've seen so much progress
you're doing well they say but am I though I don't really know if I'm seeing the progress or if I'm doing well
but I say that I am but I don't really know if I am maybe it's all just a big lie to myself
people say you're doing good you're doing amazing you're writing your reading you're doing more than what most people are
but I just think that it's all normal it's all something that I shouldn't be proud of
  is there really anything that I should be proud of myself for
if anything I'm just here and just here existing in a world
in a world that nobody really sees me and in a world that nobody seems to care
whether I succeed  or not In a world where people are cruel people are kind
but you never know what side you're going to get
in a world that nobody seems to know what the hell's going on in
a world that people just smile and act like it's fine when we all know that's really not fine

Hurting something nobody sees me doing
hurting is something i didn't realize i was doing for a long time
till i locked myself up in a room and turned off all the lights
shut the blinds and sat in the dark room
hurting is something i didn't realize i was doing till I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore and smile
to where I couldn't look at a lighter anymore and think of it as a tool to light a candle
hurting is something we all do but don't realize it

It tasted good
So many flavors
I truly enjoyed it
I enjoyed food

I loved it until I thought of my body
Then my stomach lurched
It coiled and warped
My hunger retreating
After only two bites
I couldn’t force any more down

I hated the feeling
I hated that I couldn’t do it
I hated the food

But what I hated most
Was my brain
For forcing me to think like this
I did it subconsciously
Not on purpose
Never on purpose

It was all my brain

She is bright and happy,
Lighting up the room-
Living like she’s caught in a reverie,
Navigating the twists of life
As though it was easy.
Enrapturing everyone with her flawlessness.

But she covers her sorrows with that cheer
Hiding the struggle, the quiet pain.  
Her clandestine ways fooling everyone.

Nobody notices,
The way she cries herself to sleep.
The way she can’t look in the mirror.
The way she exists in a world of darkness-
An inescapable shadow on her life.

She glows.
She breaks.
She laughs.
She cries.

I am her.
And she is me.

I put a spell on you
Convinced you I was fine
Told you how happy I was
Lived like the sun still shone bright
Like the stars hadn’t dimmed
I didn’t let you see
The darker side
The crying late at night
The constant checking in the mirror
The skipping meals
The constant stress
The last flicker of light,
Blinking out
I promised I was good
Promised that the world was not ending
I put a spell on you
So that you wouldn’t see

I’m drowning and nobody can hear
I’m suffocating but nobody sees
I’m slowly dying
But not a soul is there to witness it
I’m alone
In a room full of people
My heart is shattered and strained
From loving too much
Love without reciprocation
They see me but they don’t see who I am
What I feel
I spent every wish and piece of luck
Wishing they wouldn’t leave me
Even though I’m drowning
And they’re not there to pull me out