What if I told you I was never wanted?
What would you say?
You'd say "of course I was,
We all love you"
But that's not what I asked.
Being wanted and being loved;
You'd think they'd go hand-in-hand,
But a vast abyss, an eternal ocean separates them.
You can be loved and unwanted
Or wanted but unloved.
What if I told you I never felt wanted?
Maybe I wanted to feel more loved, too;
But that would never happen.
What if I told you the boys never wanted me?
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
I was too girly,
Never tough enough,
I played by the rules,
I was too fragile,
Never strong enough;
I was too weak.
What if I told you the girls never wanted me?
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
I was too tomboyish,
Never dressed the right way,
I liked sports more than fashion,
I acted more like the boys,
Never wanted to shop or gossip;
I was too tough.
What if I told you the older kids never wanted me?
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
I was too childish,
Never mature enough,
I talked to much,
I was too excitable,
Never acting the right way;
I was too young.
What if I told you the adults never wanted me?
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
I was too innocent,
Never doing as I was told,
I butted in when I wasn't wanted,
I was too demanding,
Never acted my age;
I was too naive.
What if I told you that you were wrong all along?
You never wanted to play;
You sent me away.
I was too good,
Never breaking the rules,
I tried to do what was expected of me,
I didn't need reprimanding,
Never knowing what was wrong with me;
I was too quiet.
What if I told you I never felt wanted?
Would you still say I was loved?
I wanted more but never knew of what.
I was too different from the rest,
Never acted my age,
I tried to be more;
More mature,
More understanding,
More...
Just more.
What if I told you I never felt wanted?
I tried to fit in,
To be like the others,
The ones I called friends.
But try as I might,
I wasn't invited out,
I found out about the parties days later,
I was the afterthought when everyone else was busy.
How could I feel wanted?
My friends,
My brother,
My cousins,
They never wanted to play;
They sent me away.
Always alone,
Always left behind,
Never feeling wanted.
