Sometimes I feel unwanted, rejected,
Then I remind Myself that the only person who can makes me happy is ME.

My mind races with memories torn up and scattered around with my tornado of destruction
Self-hate lingers in my veins and I fight for breath to fill my crumbling lungs with something other than sorrow
My body weighs heavy with emptiness and with bruises
I soak in continuous numbness
I feel nothing
I ache to feel something other than nothing

She never loved me
She only loved the way I loved her
She never wanted me
Just wanted me to want her
She didn't care about me
Only about how I could benefit her
She never saw me
She saw the way I looked at her
She never heard me
She only heard enough to make her mad
She made me the center of her universe
Until someone better came along
Someone who gave her more
More of whatever she needed in that moment
She said she'd never do something that she didn't want to do
Even if it would help her partner in some way
She said she hated being selfish
(Or hated being called selfish)
But she didn't know how to change
She didn't know how to care
And all I ever wanted from her
Was to give a **** about me
Even half as much as I did for her
I didn't want material things
I didn't want empty words
I didn't even need affection
I just wanted her to care
And she never did

Little by little,
You will find pieces of me
Scattered on our floor.
Bits of me that was shattered
And broken.

I am badly hurt.
Today, yesterday and the previous days.
You look at me with disgust,
Makes me wish I was never born.

I wanted to swap places with those
Other child of yours that died
Due to miscarriage.

Maybe they will be much better daugther than I am.
Maybe you won't hate their attitude.
Maybe you would care more about them, than me.

I was your least favorite.
I was at the bottom.
I knew that since I was young.

You said I was strong.
You said I am intimidating.
Yes I am.
Cause I don't have any shoulders to lean on when I need to cry.

I make myself strong on the outside
For people not to know how much I struggle inside.

But, I'm slowly dying.
Little by little.

All I could hear was silence
And then everything went transparent
Your eyes got me stranded
They're in pain, i can't stand it
You said you were being haunted
By the memories you never wanted
Every word you bled was perfect
Your imperfections has always been worth it

To me

I wish you could understand it
I'm here for you even if I'm unwanted
You doubted
You regretted
You were distracted
I get it
I'm always the least expected
And I know I'll never be wanted

By you

I miss him.
his lips.
smile.
eyes.
mind.
I pushed him away,
now I'm the only one to blame.

You made me believe in love.
You showed me my worth.
You made my horizons move.
You inspired me to go forth.

Everything was well in the beginning -
i felt that all the puzzle pieces were complete.
I was assured that his back will never be turning,
and that his love for me won't deplete.

But just like a day - everything fades to black.
The sun rises and the sun sets.
Just like his love for me - every sweet words were taken back.
Every memories were stepped on just like used cigarettes.

But who can blame him?
Who can love someone like me?
A girl who still can't complete the harmony of the hymn,
a girl trapped in darkness and still misses a piece of her own puzzle.