You call me shy
And mock my every move
You make me fight
Just to prove myself to you...
Thoughts

You tell me lies
And trap me inside
You make me cry
Leaving me sleep deprived...
Isolation

You tell me I'm not wanted
And pierce my flesh with your impurities
Until I've gone too far
Killing me along with my insecurities...
Depression

You make my heart beat fast
Whenever someone walks past
You make me feel
Like everyone's judging me...
Anxiety

You remind me of everything I've done
Telling me I'll never be good enough
That I'll never be loved
Because I've done too much...
Regret

You lock me to the ground
Placing chains all around
You make me want to hide
From the world outside...
Fear

You take everything from me
Leaving me broken and hopeless
You drain my energy
And leave me restless
You make me nervous and anxious
Over absolutely nothing
You let me feel nothing but pain and suffering...
Life

I’ve written words needed but unwanted,
As one who fights a war of last resort,
Disrespecting heartbreaks that I flaunted
While shaping memories I could distort.

Those unwanted poems that I needed,
All written in defiance of my nerve,
Every one of them should be deleted—
I still don’t know what purpose that they serve.

I cursed my hand so it would write no more,
But the words fought battles of attrition,
Oozing out as if from an open sore,
To heal the despair of my condition.

I’ve no desire to ever return to
The places my words so often bring me.
But it seems writing them I learn to
Appreciate the gift of being me.

I hate him
I hate him
And you know what else....
I hate him!

I waited
I was patient
I was there everytime he called
I made him laugh after not wanting to
I made him comfortable after the wreck
I opened myself up to him
I let him treat me as if we were in love
I told him my feelings had surpassed
I waited
I gave him space
I tried

He lied
He changed his mind
He found something "better"
He droped me flat on my face
After I was on a cloud of enjoyment
And now he cries to me

He comes back when things are wrong
He talks to me when he is stressed
He jokes about seeing me soon

But he's still not mine
I am forgotten and unwanted
I am alone
While he thrives with her
After I put in the work
He still choose her

And I will always be pushed away
I will still be in pain
I will still crave him
I will still be alone

The truth is such painful step
To take when I don't want to yet

But each day I see what I get.
Makes me wonder.. is it worth it?

Now it might seem
So close to perfect..
Perfectly fine
like I say I've always been.
   Though you know I've never been.

It's hard to call people family
if they don't show even a slight interest in your existence.