one day anxiety will devour me whole and spit me back, shivering and still unsure

Battling myself til something surrenders
Holding onto pain, scared to be tender
I’ve been here before, let someone in
My heart beats faster, head starts to spin
Is this lust, fear, or just my biology
I tried to stay away but something is calling me
Depth of emotion and a genuine heart
It’s difficult to pretend he’s not a work of art
He pulls me in and makes me feel alive
My soul is getting warmer, I don’t feel deprived
I was letting my light dim because pain left me broken
But when we started talking something had awoken
The part of me I let die, so I didn’t feel pain
I was experiencing that surrender, feeling less strain
I’m not as fragmented, returning to who I am
True to myself, deep, and genuine

inside slovenly crystalline stares,
words flitter, flutter, settle,
nest. resting on pages
that they couldn’t truly claim
as their own, yet still find love in them.
breakneck, fast-paced loving and mayhem,
turn around, find peace, lose it and question.
your process: sputter to a void,
senseless, demanding.
you dry-faced cry and burgeon.
love is in your heart, so claw it out
and be truthful.
admit yourself to yourself.

you appear in my dreams
and the moment i open my eyes
you're faceless in my mind

do i know you?
that depends
i always forget how the dream ends

you're not forgotten
but why can't i remember?
you're like a dying ember

spark your flame!
show me who you are
tell me of your scars

i still cant remember
my head is aching
my heart is breaking

all you'll be is
faceless
as time passes

i'll never know
who am i to interfere?
to me, you were a man who was once here

faceless
over and over again
til the next dream then

Why is it so hard to love you?
It’s not that I don’t want to,
Or even that you don’t deserve it.
I just get stuck between the unknown and the desired.
You could be the greatest, the sweetest,
But you aren’t the song I’ve gotten used to singing.

I must relive our nights when I dream,
because it’s unreal laying with you.
I am left breathless by your smile’s gleam!

Intense dark black sky, the moon so blue;
your skin’s touch that lifts me to new heights.
In pure bliss we admire the star’s view.

But awake I wonder of those nights...
were you also gazing at the stars;
or really looking at the streetlights?

Loneliness

it feels misunderstood
i misunderstand it

when can we feel it? true loneliness?

when their hand stiffens and drops to the floor?
leaving us alone
in our thoughts
on earth

the final text in a rotting friendship?
if it ever truly was a friendship