I'm a streak of amber,
on a canvas splashed in gold,
waiting to be noticed, to be loved,
before I fade away with time,

Desperation eats at my soul
As I constantly want for more likes
More notices
But when they never come
My mind clouds with the possibility
That they never will
And no one will ever notice
When I have gone
And where I went
I plead with desperation to the world
'Accept me, accept me!
For I am just human
I am just like you!
Please accept me
if it's the last thing you do!'
But I have learned
That not everyone is in agreement with my personality
And not everyone will find a way to accept me
But the people I love
Have accepted me and all my flaws
And for that I am grateful
But I still have all that desperation

This morning, the world woke up without me.
Daylight crested above the trees, where bird-songs filled the crisp winter air and squirrels began scurrying through frost-bitten yards.
                                                          ­                                Neighbors went about their day, putting children on school buses before bustling themselves to work. The mailman came and left, dropping off packages filled with useless purchases and magazine subscriptions that sit piled in corners, gathering dust.
Hallways filled with swarms of students eager for the final bell. Lockers slammed and classroom seats filled, my desk being the only one left empty
                                                           ­                               (second row from the front, farthest to the right or left, whichever was opposite of the door. Perfect view of the clock, the whiteboard, the teacher, and everyone who entered and exited the room.)
Emails went unanswered, books left unfinished, my room left untouched... a thin layer of dust began to collect atop my existence that went unnoticed.
                                                      ­                                  
Unnoticed by them, unnoticed by you.

I sit upon a pedestal
My obsession with attention is rooted deep
So deep, that it doesn't appear to you

My pedestal draped in black cloth
Never stands out
You only notice it when you are too far in

My narcissism lines my insides
And so does my habit of manipulation
It runs it’s mouth 70% of the time

And I wish it didn’t
It’s hurting my look
Of being “too kind for my own good”

I’m deceptive, like I said
It’s in my nature
So don’t be surprised if you get your heart broken

"I'm really good at reading people"
Oh yeah? Can you tell when people fake smile?
"Yeah its all about the eyes"
      -i guess you never looked at mine

What if this made it happen
will I call it karma

I see derivatives
and you renal
when we see calculi

Should have held on tight when we had thing, I let loose
I'll retrieve what I buried
when I get close,
No different from a dog, a nuzzler

Shall you find a biznaga
then follow your fourth sense,
for that's where lies my chalaza

All that is but a lost sailor,
hoping you'll see the tip of his jibboom