I want to take off my body,
Like a used lingerie.
I don't want it anymore,
I feel too empty nor valuable.

I want to change who am I,
To begin anew.
For every damage that can't be undo,
For all those nights that I cried.

Too afraid to close my eyes,
Having angst that the memory of you will chase me.
I feel remorse for myself,
For letting you dig inside me,
For being too shabby for my self,
And for letting you ruin my life.

My life.
My life not yours.
From the time you had me,
You never once think of my life.
It was all about you, it was all about your desires.
It was all about your happiness, your thirst for mine.

Of what you did to me,
It will always haunt me.
The remains of you inside me,
Were a nightmare,
A nightmare that chases me,
A stranger who have no clue of who I am,
But still continue to plunge his desires on me.

I am writing this not just to seek for your sympathy,
I want you to understand.
How to be empty,
to be lost,
to be disgusted
and to be the topic of town,
and to be me.

-

shn 6:7-16

I have this room inside my mind,
A room my mind can't bear to face.
Behind my face it hides behind,
So I can bear another day.

Each day the door tries to undo,
And I must shut the door anew.
Today has come.

I tell it, "Stay."
And I try to run away.
But the room,
It's my doom.
It's my tomb.
And in that room my mind will lay.

From the room come the yells,
All the secrets I won't tell.
All the thoughts I fought,
that brought me down.
They tried to ****.
I locked them in a cell.

But their yells, they are so loud.
I tried to fly away on a cloud.

But their yells melted the air,
And I fell away from there.

Now I'm far away from home,
And I think that I'm alone.
But the yells, I am their home.

And I say,
"You killed me dead,
Inside my head.
So stop the yelling,
Chew on my bones."

I kneel on the ground desperately searching in the ashes and embers of who I used to be. The flecks of falling memories whisper and whirl lightly around me.
If I can find a fragment within these piles of haunted bones. Perhaps, then I can change what has been done and undo my damaging blunders.
Time is frozen here in my own perpetual limbo. I don't wish to go forward but back to a time when I was blissfully naive and innocent, not bitter and tragic.
Yet, day after day, I'm doomed to repeat this infinite process and never become the husk of my past self.
Words have gone and I'm left in the maddening solitude.

Tell me where should I start?
Tell me how should I do my part?
Cuz' I wanna free my heart,
And undo this and restart.

All those things,
all the misunderstandings,
all the happy beginnings,
and even all the saddest endings.

I just want to be with you,
Just tell what should I do.
I want more of you,
And that's how I love you.


- 12102k15

I've had enough chasing you,
What else should I do?
Are we really into this?
The old you, that I missed.

I'm begging you to stay,
Even if it's just for a day.
I just want to spend more time,
Because, this will be the last time that you're mine.

Some things have changed,
Was it me or was it you?
Was it all about the things I can't undo?
Or was it me who stopped chasing you?


-12072k15

there's this feeling that I can't stop, the feeling of missing you. it will never stop, it started on the day that you left. you left a mark on me and it will forever stays there. I can't undo the love what's done is done. I've got this feeling that you will be back by my side but my instincts are always wrong just like how I believed that you will never leave

"If I could go back,
and knew what I know,
I'd change a few things,
and shake up the flow.

I might go to class,
be where I should be,
Say and wear what I wish,
And only be me.

Ignore the ignorant,
hold dearest friends close,
Respect authority,
see where it goes.

Have love and compassion,
a watchful mind,
Keep ears wide open,
and always be kind.

Harbour a strong heart,
let others be shared,
Make sure I remind them,
that I always care(d).

So, if I could go back,
and knew what I know,
I might change a few things,
and see where it goes."