"I love you"

If it hasn't ripped apart your soul
you haven't experienced it.

Silence is my office.

Surrendering is the key.

Receptivity is my tool.

Dwelling in The Divine Information.

Transmitting frequency of the Love unconditional.

For the Whole, for the One.

You'll never know how much I miss you
I don't think I could explain, either way.
You could only imagine
How much I miss you.

When I open my front door,
I don't see you spin around
on the linoleum floor
Tapping your long nails across it.

When I need to go for a short drive,
You don't bark when I grab my keys
and slip on my shoes
Like you normally do.

Like you always had.

You don't get to ride shotgun
or hang your little head
outside my window.
You don't get to take a nap
and keep the seat warm
whenever I'm gone.
You don't get to hide behind the seat
as soon as you see us
turn on the road to the vet.
Every day you'd sit and watch
outside my window with anticipation-
probably couting down the seconds
until I'd come back home again.

You don't get to anymore.

I was so proud of you.
You never did anything worthy of punishment.
You only growled when someone tried to move you
while you slept curled up next to me
as if you were trying to protect me
from anything that could hurt me.

And the look in your solemn brown eyes
was all the apology I needed
to gather you in my arms
and tell you that you were forgiven.

The way you loved me leaves me astonished.
How you'd slowly walk back to me
and put your head in my hands
after I accidentally stepped on your toes.
How you'd continue to sleep next to me
through the restless nights
when I'd nearly kick you off my bed.

I had always felt so bad.

When your eyes grew clouded
and your ears went silent,
you'd still see my arms reaching out to you
and you'd still hear me calling your name-
And even though you became a little slow,
you'd still know when I needed you most.

I'm always filled with sadness
when I think about how your years
come and go much faster than my own.
How I won't get to spend
the rest of my life with you
or wake up each morning to your quiet yawns.
But I'm also quite at peace
Because you were able to spend
the rest of your life with me
and awake to my hand between your ears
reminding you that I was right beside you.

But-
Now that you're gone
There's a small hole in this heart of mine
that will never be able to be filled.
Because that small hole
is shaped for you and you alone.

With each day, it gets easier-
Easier to live without you, I suppose.
Because of you, I will never be the same.
I'm more joyful, more hopeful, less concerned for the 'morrow.

But this couldn't ever change
how much I miss you.
I don't think I could explain, either way.
You will never know how much I miss you.

The beauty of
Unrequited love
Is how
Unconditional
It can get

The night was still long
It was still long for my thirsty psyche to dream a lot of delusions
To dream a lot of things about you
And only you

Your smell
That lingers on my addicted nose whenever you are near
Your stare
that could be the cause of my early death
Your touch
that electrifies not just my body but my soul
Your lips
That tempts mine to meet those
Your heavenly smile
That I could not get rid of even for a while
Your ear-pleasing laugh
Your husky voice
Your nose that I wanted the most
Your flaws
Your imperfections
They are beautiful
They are all just right
You are just so right for me
If only you could let me love those, I will.
Ceaselessly of course.

If I fall from seven stories, would you touch my mangled body?
Would you always be the last one every day to touch my cheek?
If I drown and I am floating, will you pull me out and hold me
--Wet and cold me--
Though my blood has stopped, my neck is limp and weak?

And should a fire consume me, would you watch the smoke blow off me?
Once I'm dragged out on our lawn and I'm nestled in wet grass
Would it be too much a trouble that you give my hand a last kiss
To look into where my eyes were--would that be too much to ask?

And if I rolled out of a car door, would you drive the roads to find me?
Would you pick the tiny gravels from my freshly-tender skin
Could you press your still-warm lips to mine and whisper you still love me
Claim my body
Be the one who tells my friends and all my kin?

And if somehow I exploded, would you think how to collect me?
Would you look for all my pieces just to put them back in one?
And if ailment were to strike me, could you watch my figure crumple?
Will you stay as I get thinly and my hairs fall one by one?

I love you every moment and would do all of this for you
I won't want to have to do it, but if someone, here I am
So, darling, as I'm weeping, will you press myself into you
Ever-New you
Say you love me and will love me as I am

There's no way I could ever say you weren't there to pull me out of the wilderness.
Your roots, so deep in love already, it was easy for you to pull me in.
Forever am I grateful!

If I thought it better to be loved
By angels or demons
And with a laugh I told him
That my sins had already purged
The wings
From my saving grace
And yet not once
Had my demons ever left me
Alone