Dear David,

You tore your way through my life, leaving a devastation known only to a few. When you were done, you picked at my intimacies until I had nobody left. But I'm no longer afraid of the big bad wolf. This is my revenge.

1. I'd balance a gas light above your head and set it alight. When you go running to your friends about my torture they'd smell an unconfrontable unease that would turn them away.
2. I'd cut out your tongue and push my fist down your throat, my fingers indulging in the gushing scarlet, invading your warm insides until your breathing is cut off and I reach your voice box.
3. I'd yank it out, celebrating in your juices that run down my arm. Now, when you turn to your dearest, they will only see the fear in your eyes when they mention my name.
4. I'd carve lost trenches into your arms so that the reminder of our war could never be forgotten. There's a rare kind of memory that makes you ache for it to leave.
5. I'd etch the word 'love' onto the back of your throat and watch you choke on it. I'd hope that every time this happened, you would be reminded of me and the quirky ways I showed my affection.
6. I'd leave you squirming in pain for days on end, my back turned in silence as the shackles slowly embrace your body.
7. I'd decide that you had been punished enough and nurse you back into health, stitching your tongue back on in zig zagged attempts to apologise.
8. The next day, I'd slowly unpick the shallow stitches and start the whole process again.
9. I'd blame you for my actions. 'Baby it's your fault you make me do these things, you're just too irresistible ' I'd whisper seductively to you as my knife slips down to your groin.
10. I'd render you useless to the rest of the world, steal your thoughts with my kiss and blow them into the wind. The altered version of them would reach our friends before your voice did. The silence that echoed only added to the rumours.
11. I'd slip my knife sexily between your skin, opening up a hole so that your entire vulnerability would be glowing.
12. I'd empty the entirety of your guts onto the floor and smile as the gas light falls on to your slumpened body.  A fire will erupt over it, burning the last shreds of hope as your lips will begin to melt. Gone are the mechanisms that may have led them to believe.
13. That night, I'd bathe in your guts, ******* over the feeling of power as your burnt corpse smoked nearby.

She sees the red dripping from her wrist.
Onto the floor as she walks,
Staining against thick thighs.
Swirling down the drain while washing her hair.
The red drips into her food as she cooks.
Sizzling when it hits the comal.
She sees it smear on her lovers flesh.
Riding slow or riding fast.
Paint on hot living canvas.
She watches as it soaks into her dogs leash.
Leaving red prints on the sidewalk.
Marveling at the hue, arms pointed up wards.
The sun, bright and warm against her skin.
A smile forms upon thin lips.
The red splatters faster on all she touches.

"i'm okay," she says to everyone.
her nights were nothing but wet sheets and wailing walls.

"i'm fine," she tells everybody.
her room is filled with nothing but a crying voice and a hopeless soul.

"i'm happy," she proclaims to all.
her wrists more crimson than brown and her eyes more red than white.

"goodbye. i'm sorry," she begs.

**And that was when all knew that she wasn't really okay at all.

His only talent is leaving without warning
Only god knows where he could possibly be
His favorite activity is drinking into a wakeless sleep
His secrets are twirling in smoke and piles of pills
His disregard and spite are the only memories I keep
My father is not a happy man.
Nothing can change that, not even my mother can.

Part I
I'm too tired to stand on my own
Without your hand on my waist
I fall and break
I'm too small to sleep alone
Without your breath on my neck
My dreams will never come
I'm too fragile to love you

Part II
I had a dream last night
You said you'd save me
From the darkness I was residing
I waited an eternity, my whole life
And I never saw the headlights of your car through the window
The seams on my curtains
Look like the cuts on my body
Bleeding into flowers
I'd bleed you a whole bouquet
If it took your pain away

I’m not very good at talking, but I’ve always been good at talking in my head.
I’ve got exactly 6 and a half notebooks filled with the conversations I’ve had in my head for the past three years.
And this past month I’ve filled up 31 pages of my current journal.
Blurbs of ‘I really ****** up’ and 'today was really great’.
But now it all just meshes together and I keep ripping out page after page in hopes of forgetting.
My stomach burns where you touched me.
My eyes drop tears, right on cue for these April showers.
My hands are clenched into fists ready to strike whoever tries to lay a finger on me.
My mother can’t even kiss me goodnight without me crying because she’s triggering war flashbacks when her lips brush my head.
And my thighs are covered in slashes where I tried to cut off the skin you kissed.
And I keep trying to tell myself I’m better than this.
But the truth is, I’m not.
I got myself into this mess.
I brought this all upon myself.
All because I can’t talk.

They never mentioned
That the smell of aftershave
And toothpaste
Would be triggering.

Forgot to say I was destined
To be what twisted men crave -
My skinny waist,
His slithering.

Cannot sleep on a waterbed.
Fear that the waves will move
Unsteadily,
Irregularly.

Threw away purple bedspread.
Prayed its absence would improve
Sleeping,
Dreaming

I recognize his twins
At work, the store, and on the street.
Unable to breathe.
Petrifying.

Their crooked grins
Calloused hands, tight grips, yellow teeth
Calls me 'sweetie'
Triggering.

such a broken little girl
cracked open her skull and
showed everyone her dreams
shame she forgot that all her friends
were monsters

silly little girl
sliced open her veins and
showed everyone what they had
done
she was controlled by a monster

what a beautiful sight, you should have seen
the blood! should have seen the anger and bitter hot tears
and shiny metal
and swollen lips from biting as if
you're trying to shut that voice up inside you because they
speak through you through your mouth and
red lips, teeth
use your tongue and chest shout for them to go away
its not working, it never works
but you won't stop trying and you want
your veins to run hollow and to bleed yourself dry
because you feel like an empty shell
the only thing inhabiting you is
the harsh voices
but they are
unwanted and they are bad news
and you don't know if you should stand up or not
or if that will increase blood flow because you will fall over
and see white dots like
fairy kisses in your eyes and on your skin and God won't
accept you to heaven because you've been told
killing yourself is a sin
but is hell really that bad because you already feel you are there
when really your heart is still beating and your
brain is still thinking
and your arms are still bleeding and you're still shouting
at everything to
please
be quiet just for a moment
to get everything straight

but you're not allowed to leave so you're staying on Earth
and you're so used to the voices you often get mixed up
which ones are real and which ones are in my head?
a very common and almost daily question you ask
yourself and sometimes others without realising

and what is it about depression being beautiful so maybe
one more tear and one more cut will make people like you
and boys and girls are not just going to be able to fix you just by
holding the key to your heart so stop thinking
the reason you're sad is because you're used or single because
people in relationships are just as sad as you and you are still bleeding and your
heart is still beating and maybe
sweetheart it wouldn't hurt to
sit down.